Au pair may solve childcare dilemma for some

By Pat Waring
Published: June 26, 2008

Finding childcare is always a challenge for parents, no matter what their lifestyle. While most Vineyard mothers and fathers have to juggle busy working hours with making sure their children are safe and happy, some vacationers with young children need a hand with the youngsters while they are playing tennis or seeing friends. A mother with very young children may want someone to team up with her when her husband or partner is at work and one adult just can't do the job alone. For a single parent, live-in help is invaluable.

The need rises in summer when school and after- school activities are ended for vacation, but for most families the challenge is a year-round one. The Vineyard is rich in resources for childcare and early education, but even in the best of situations when children are signed up for day care, pre-school, or a full schedule of classes and activities, an unexpected cancellation, school holiday, or case of the sniffles can throw parents' schedules into disarray.

In certain cases, an au pair could be the answer to a family's prayers. Although locating and hiring an au pair is a complex and costly process, and like any childcare option has potential pitfalls, when it works smoothly it is a boon for busy parents.

According to Meg Higgins of West Tisbury, who has been the Vineyard's community representative for the national Au Pair Foundation since April 2007, the program was established decades ago to create cultural exchanges for young people. Providing childcare was not the primary purpose.

One Vineyard family, Bill and Emily Coggins of Vineyard Haven has an au pair currently in residence. A second family is in the midst of the application process.

The phrase "au pair" in French means "on par," said Ms. Higgins. It signifies that the young man or woman is meant to be an equal part of the family.

"They didn't want people to see it as cheap labor," she explained. "Primarily it's a cultural exchange, an opportunity to bring someone into your home and learn about their culture, and they can learn about ours. A successful host family would be open to that."

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One family's au pair success

Although the experience can be satisfying for a family and their au pair, it requires considerable groundwork on the part of the hosts. And Ms. Higgins cautioned that a family considering an au pair should not expect to obtain immediate childcare. Not only is the application period lengthy and arduous, but also it will take some time for the au pair to get acclimated to the culture and the family's lifestyle after he or she arrives. The young visitor may be homesick, and must have a chance to adapt to the new environment.

"You have to be willing to put the time in," Ms. Higgins warned. "In exchange, if you do lay that nice foundation, you get a very rich experience."

Families have many choices

Options, resources, and guidance for Vineyard parents seeking care for young children are much more extensive than they were a decade or two ago. While once families had to search for information, rely on word of mouth, and choose among limited possibilities, today there are more providers of various kinds as well as a central clearinghouse for information.

Pat Ingalls, Resource/ Finance Coordinator for the Vineyard Affordable Child Care Project (VACCP) maintains a comprehensive, frequently updated list of options. These include:

28 individual family child care providers who offer services in their homes. Many operate year 'round, but some have variable summer schedules.

11 preschools (typically serving children ages 3 to 5) and child care/learning centers (infancy through age 5). Most operate year 'round or offer special summer programs.

The listings detail the licensing, accreditation, and other criteria that the schools and providers have met.

To view the listings and additional information visit the Martha's Vineyard Public School website, mv.k12.ma.us, and click on Early Learning Department.

"The Martha's Vineyard Early Childhood Resource Guide" - published jointly by VACCP, Martha's Vineyard Public Schools, Martha's vineyard Community Services Early Childhood Programs, and a state mental health grant - contains a wealth of information and guidance on children's development and learning, what to look for in a pre-school or day care provider, important contact numbers, programs, and more. The book and listings are available at the office of the Vineyard superintendent of schools, 4 Pine St., Vineyard Haven, or by calling Ms. Ingalls, 508-693-2007 ext. 18. VACCP also provides subsidies to assist qualified families with childcare and pre-school costs. The agency contracts with many family day care providers and most pre-schools.

"The main thing is you should feel comfortable with where you're leaving your child," said Ms. Ingalls. "They should be licensed and offer a structured, quality program."

Once a child reaches school age, there is no central office or staff person coordinating care outside the classroom. Especially in summer there are many programs available geared to every interest, including theatre, nature, athletics, art, gymnastics, sailing, and even farming. A small sampling of the options are: Boys and Girls Club, 508-627-3303; YMCA of Martha's Vineyard, 508-696-7123; Sail Martha's Vineyard, 508-696-7644; Featherstone Center for the Arts, 508-693-1850; Felix Neck Wildlife Sanctuary, Fern and Feather Day Camp, 508-627-4850; the Farm Institute, 508-627-7007, and Children's Theatre of Island Theatre Workshop, 508-693-9840.

Martha's Vineyard Regional High School sponsors a number of summer clinics for various ages from six through adult including sports, arts, theater, guitar, chess, and other activities. For complete information visit mvrhs.org and click on Summer Clinics or call Inez at 508-693-2007, ext. 235.

More complete listings appear in "The Island Book" phone book green pages and in The Times Information Pages.

When it comes to full-time, live-in childcare, families are on their own. These services are not coordinated or regulated by any local Vineyard agency. Only the California-based Au Pair Foundation currently has a staff representative here for those families interested in its very specialized programs. Those seeking live-in nanny services are solely responsible for seeking, screening, hiring, and supervising these employees.

Detailed process

Au pairs range from 18 to 26 and hail from countries all around the globe. They must be able to speak English, have high school or preferably university diplomas, excellent health, and previous childcare experience. The au pair must provide written references, pass a psychometric evaluation, and complete the Foundation's training program.

The Au Pair Foundation's extensive website (aupairfoundation.org) is packed with information including the program's philosophy, application and fee information, and details about how potential au pairs are screened and prepared. Parents seeking an au pair complete an extensive application form. They also have an interview and provide character references. They are asked to enumerate their children's ages, specific duties the au pair will handle and skills required.

Once the application process is successfully completed, the regional office makes a pool of applicants available to the family. Parents are responsible for interviewing and selecting an au pair and issuing an official invitation.

The hosts must provide a private room for the au pair and pay a weekly salary set by the Foundation: approximately $158 for caring for infants and children to age 12, or $119 for older children. The family is required to contribute $500 for the au pair to take college-level courses. Although on-line learning is available, a Vineyard au pair could opt to take off-Island classes. A hefty program fee of $7200, which may be split into two or more payments, covers the au pair's travel to and from the States, visa processing, health insurance, and expenses for a three-day training at the New Jersey regional office. Contracts run for one year and can be renewed for one additional year only.

The community representative screens applicants, and meets with a host family before the au pair arrives to brief them on possible stumbling blocks and offer tips on making their new arrival feel at home. The individual also holds an orientation after the au pair arrives and maintains monthly contact to ensure that the placement is successful.

All in the family

Once settled, the au pair provides up to 45 hours of work each week. Duties must be limited to childcare or child-related responsibilities such as fixing the youngsters' lunches, picking up toys, or doing their laundry. Ms. Higgins stressed that the au pair is not there to do general housekeeping or errands.

"It's really important that the au pair be seen as part of the family, not as hired help," said Ms. Higgins. "They eat dinner with you, they come on vacation with you."

Even with all this advance effort and expense, the au pair arrangement does not always work out. A family may find that they want another type of childcare after all. The au pair may not possess the skills and qualities that the family wants and needs for their children. Sometimes the au pair can find it difficult to adapt to this country or the home. And sometimes the family and the au pair may just be incompatible. When snags occur, the community representative will act as an impartial mediator, striving to support the parties in returning to harmonious arrangement. It is certainly in the host family's best interest to make the match work since even if the au pair leaves, the advance fees they have paid are not refunded.

Ms. Higgins believes that problems can easily arise if host families and au pairs do not learn enough about each other in advance. She stressed that honest and open communication is a necessity during interviews. Here on the Vineyard, potential hosts must explain that ours is a small, isolated community, since someone from another country might expect a suburban or city environment. Au pairs themselves may not be entirely candid, she said.

"Au pairs really want to come," said Ms. Higgins. " So they don't always represent themselves openly. They put their best foot forward."

"That's why the foundation advises host families to talk with the au pair several times as a way to tease out their true personality, their values and interests. The quality of communication in the early stages is key. I tell everybody, 'Take your time.'" said.

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