To the Editor:
This March, in Edgartown, a half-dozen houses were broken into. While my wife and I were in Costa Rica on vacation, mine was one of them.
The burglar used an axe from my garage to smash my front door ($1,000 deductible . . . oyvey). They entered, looking for script drugs, but found none.
I have to ask, How did you know of my recent back surgery?
Anyway, I recently received 30 Demerol, great street-value, and placed them in the medicine cabinet on the first floor. No need to break in since we leave the house unlocked. My wife and I work 8–4, Monday through Friday.
Oh, by the way, when we were away so was our pet. He was up at my daughter’s house, but he’s home now. He’s a 125-lb., alpha-male Akita that hates strangers. Just a warning: he’s trained to bark once then go for the gonads. Best of luck.