I have been very troubled for quite some time about an issue of great concern to all Vineyard lovers, near and far. I am reminded of it each time I browse the cookie aisle at any supermarket.
Question: What do the following locales have in common? Sausalito. Tahoe. Catalina. Captiva. Santa Cruz. Sanibel. Sonoma. Mystic. Chesapeake. Montauk. Nantucket.
The painful answer: Each of these locations has a cookie named after it, as part of Pepperidge Farms’s “American Cookie Collection.” Notably absent from this list is Martha’s Vineyard. There is no Martha’s Vineyard cookie. As I wrote this on July 4, our nation’s birthday, I could feel my blood boiling. What can be more American than Martha’s Vineyard, which has served as the summer White House for two U.S Presidents? Don’t we deserve a cookie, too?
What’s even more outrageous than the omission of the Vineyard is the fact that Nantucket (a small island to our southeast) has three cookies in the collection: the “Crispy Chocolate Chunk” category includes the “Nantucket Dark Chocolate” and the “Double Chocolate Nantucket.” The “Soft Baked” category includes the “Nantucket Golden Cookie.”
Do cocoa beans grow on Nantucket? Are its streets paved with gold? The only thing I know about Nantucket is that a girl lives there who has inspired many poets and STDs. As a 47-year summer resident of Martha’s Vineyard who has never visited Nantucket, perhaps I can be edified by someone.
In principle, I am not opposed to naming things after Nantucket. Just something more appropriate to our neighbor. How about the Nantucket Credit Default Swap? That has a nice ring to it. I’d buy one of those in a heartbeat.
Some of the other locations honored in Pepperidge Farms’s “American Cookie Collection” mystify me — particularly Mystic — a place more commonly associated with pizza, not cookies. Chesapeake Bay is famous for its crabs. Why do the neighboring islands of Sanibel and Captiva in Florida each have a cookie named in their honor, Nantucket has three, and Martha’s Vineyard has none? Couldn’t Sanibel and Captiva share the same cookie and let us have the other? The Pepperidge Farms Sonoma cookie has “dark chocolate chunks, cherry chunks, and almonds.” Sounds like a perfect pairing with a Sonoma County chardonnay.
To quote Sesame Street’s Cookie Monster: “Me want Vineyard cookie!”
Charles T. Pinck is a resident of Washington, DC and Chilmark.