Deborah Montambault

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Deborah Montambault of Edgartown, whose life was characterized by the guiding principles of truth, humor, compassion, knowledge, and love, died on August 7, 2016. She was 54.

Debbi would not want her life summarized by dates, certifications, and accomplishments. She was born in 1961 and shaped by the culture and sensibilities of that time, but strongly independent and with an intuitive sense of fairness, she danced to her own music. She studied and worked hard to become highly qualified in her chosen profession, and earned the respect of her peers and clients alike.

She cared not if her furniture matched; if the car she drove was new; or if she wore what designers claimed to be the latest fashion. The accumulation of status markers did not bring her the type of joy that pleased her. What she found important weren’t things, but relationship and experiences — the intangibles.

An avid reader and information seeker, she believed anything could be learned, overcome and improved upon if thoroughly investigated and thoughtfully reflected upon, and enough earnest self-discipline was applied. She often set lofty goals and a blistering pace for herself. Her written expressions were often beautiful, sometimes pointed, but always deeply understanding and fully understood by the recipients.

Debbi stood on the guiding principle that the truth, no matter how unsatisfactory, was always preferable to misinformation, half-truths, and lies. At least with the truth, warts and all, the situation could be reconciled and improved. The concept is simple — tell the truth, admit when you are wrong, say you’re sorry and strive for the best version of yourself. She was passionate about most everything, but mentally flexible enough to change her opinion if thoughtfully persuaded with intelligent insight. Unafraid of confrontation, her intent wasn’t to prove she was right, but rather to facilitate a meeting of the minds and a mutually satisfactory resolution.

Raising children was an endeavor she took purposefully, and did so with her characteristic quest for knowledge, keen observation, and copious amounts of caring and love. Few things pleased her more than the laughter of our children. More than a few times the acknowledgement that our children taught her more than she could ever teach them passed her lips. Kahlil Gibran’s poem “On Children” strikes well the chord of her child-rearing intentions.

A teacher at heart, although not by profession, her gift was displayed in her ability to deeply empathize, listen intently, and provide a thoughtful mirror for reflection. Her insight into the tools someone might need to move forward or accomplish his or her goals was not only a gift to the recipient but a testimony to her compassion. One of her favorite paintings is Van Gogh’s “Cafe Terrace at Night.” Its bright orange awning lighting the cafe tables invites us to come and sit down. I believe it’s not the beauty or the location of the cafe she was drawn to, but instead the prospect of sitting there with someone, sharing ideas, laughing, and making a little more sense of this life experience we share.

Her sense of humor was unique, contagious, and an integral part of her being. The humorous way she strung words together was a small treasure. Enthusiasm and unbridled joy often manifested itself with laughter that burst forth with a clarity that came from her core. Debbi lived out loud: What you saw is what you got.

Gratitude and humility in the face of adversity was part of her origin. Self-pity and despair held no place in her heart. Intention and determination are the allies she chose as life’s trail markers, often overcoming huge obstacles. An inspiration to family, friends, and caregivers alike, she truly felt cared for and loved, and true to her indefatigable spirit, reflected that back twofold. Never wanting to be defined by health challenges, and fully believing that the journey would be temporary, she looked forward to the day when she could reach out and help another navigate similar trials.

“Will we forget you?” The answer is, “Shall we forget to breathe?” We will find you in the sound of small stones gently rattling in the backwash of a wave, in the sound of the wind moving through the trees, in the laughter of children, in the silver sparkle of sunlight dancing on water, in a cloud moving through a brightly lit moon, in the sound of rain on canvas, colorful beads, wildflowers, in a piece of found sea glass …

Surrounded by and in the presence of Love, with the sun shining and a swallowtail butterfly outside her window, Debbi — mother, spouse, aunt, daughter, sister, and friend made her transition at 3:15 in the afternoon.

In Debbi’s memory: Listen mindfully if someone you love is challenging your high opinion of yourself (few others will care enough to bother); do your job; don’t be a pill; thank someone for even the smallest gesture of kindness; make a list and set some goals; find the silver lining in your dark clouds.

If you wish, donations can be made to one of her supported charities, St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital, 262 Danny Thomas Place, Memphis, TN 38015. A private memorial service is planned.

Dave, Kayla, Brian, and Kevin can be reached at P.O. Box 2477, Edgartown, MA 02539.