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Martha's Vineyard Times is a weekly publication.
June 30 - July 6, 2005 Edition
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June 30, 2005 Questions for the Y To the Editor: This is a copy of a letter to the directors of the YMCA of Martha’s Vineyard: We regret that the Y declined our request to appear on the July agenda. But as Y president Jan Pogue requested, here are our written questions. We write to you today as fellow residents, taxpayers and business owners of the Vineyard. We are concerned about the impact the proposed Young Men’s Christian Association will have on maintaining a sustainable Island economy. Perhaps the proposed YMCA will be the exception to the YMCA’s $4.2 billion fitness empire and will be a valuable addition to the Vineyard rather than a tax exempt health club that sells fitness memberships to adults who can afford them. Currently, we do not have big corporations like McDonalds or Home Depot on the Island. Research indicates that only 15 percent of the population exercises, and for the 44,000-square-foot, $14 million proposed YMCA to succeed it has to either cripple our businesses or service a population greater than the Vineyard’s year-round 15,000-plus. Equally troubling for the community, would be if the existing fitness clubs remain more attractive and maintain memberships, then how will the Y support itself, or will the towns be asked to fund the YMCA? According to a University of New Haven study, 65 percent of YMCA members use the YMCA exclusively for its fitness component. We know that when the YMCA built a facility in Salisbury, Maryland, the existing Merritt Athletic Club lost 33 percent of its members to the YMCA. In Saco, Maine, New England Health and Racquet saw its sales fall 50 percent when the York Country Family YMCA opened within three miles. This scenario repeats around the country. Peabody and Lynnfield, whose combined population is 60,000-plus, is currently building a YMCA. That YMCA will be 41,000 square feet and cost $7.5 million for an eight-lane pool, childcare, gym track, locker and fitness center. At the Wang YMCA in Chinatown, the Wang Y charges $607.95 for individual annual memberships and more than $1,000 for annual family memberships, in line with that of many for-profit fitness centers. Now, we should not rush to judgment. We appreciate the contributions of the Y Without Walls program. However, we hope the group organizing the YMCA conducts a fair and inclusive process, an independent process that fully assesses the need for a YMCA, the impact it will have on the Island infrastructure and how we should move forward as a community. In fact, with so much at risk today, for the future of our main streets and small local shopkeepers, we entreat you to support a process that answers these and other questions. We support a MVRHS pool and a teen center. Do we need a Young Men’s Christian Association to meet that need? How will YMCA fundraising diminish fundraising for other vital community services? (Hospital, Community Services, Boys & Girls Club etc.) Could the free land the YMCA is trying to secure be better used for affordable housing? How will the presence of YMCA affect local businesses and a sustainable Island economy? Will the YMCA have a negative effect on the tax base, if the seven or eight current fitness clubs and studios close down or reinvent themselves? It is only fair to us as business owners and as long-time members of the community that the YMCA answer questions and allow us to express our concerns. We hope you will honor the long-term personal and economic year-round commitment we have demonstrated by our community service and investment in the Island infrastructure and support a detailed independent feasibility study that fully analyzes the impact the proposed YMCA will have on our community, which we love so much. Susan Goldstein The Mansion House Ken Martin Connie McHugh Vineyard Tennis Center Disturbing reports To the Editor: The eighth graders who recently went to England by the generosity of friends and family should realize how much they have embarrassed the educational system and residents of Martha’s Vineyard. The complaints by American Airlines are very disturbing. Deflating the flotation cushions is totally irresponsible. Trashing the interior is totally irresponsible. What is the justification of this behavior? What has happened to discipline, responsibility, respect, and appreciation? Harriet Almstead Edgartown Bad model for young athletes To the Editor: Work hard and play by the rules. That is what we are taught from our first days of competitive sports — to be a good sportsman to compete and find out how good you are compared to the completion. How does any adult explain to a developing young man or a young woman that you are too good to perform? I am going to punish you for your hard work and dedication by humiliating you in front of all your peers because I want to win. When starting out, life and sports should be and must be a level playing field, where all can compete and improve on their abilities. Some advance further, some realize that they must find other dreams to follow. We live in a world of winning, whatever the results and no matter the costs or ramifications of our actions. We break down our values when we condone all forms of behavior, some will do anything to win, even breaking a young man’s heart and spirit. “That kid can really hit, and we didn’t want to let him beat us, so we took the bat out of his hands,” Coach Marc Rivers said. “For us to win the game, it proved to be the right decision.” Let me rephrase this quote: “That kid can really hit, and I didn’t want to let him beat me, so I took the bat out of his hands,” Coach Rivers said. “For me to win the game, it proved to be the right decision.” The “we” should be I. I wanted to win. I made the decision, I take the credit for breaking a young man’s sprit and heart. Ah, to be 12 years old and having an opportunity to play in a championship game. You practice hard, train and make yourself the best you can be. We all had dreams growing up, wanting to be this famous person or emulate their success. Mine was Roberto Clemente. Alas, my God-given talent was and is being an artist. Glory days, in a blink of an eye they pass you by, glory days. As disappointed as I am for this young man, I am more disappointed in anyone that condones this sort of behavior. Adults are supposed to be role models to our youth, who learn their value system by observing the world around them. I just hope that they don’t make the wrong conclusions that you bend the integrity of the game to win. The league should take the proper steps to see that this never occurs again, just so we (I) can win. Joseph Paul Uranker Oak Bluffs Under Jaws’ spell To the Editor: This is a copy of a letter sent to Gary Cogley and the staff of the Martha’s Vineyard Chamber of Commerce: Ladies and gentlemen, when I first found out about Jaws Fest earlier this year, I thought to myself that here, finally, is the reason that I have been waiting to make the pilgrimage to your Island. Now, two weeks after the fact, I am embarrassed that it took a film, and 30 years, to bring me and my wife to such a beautiful area of God’s gorgeous earth. The welcoming, the hospitality, the friendliness, the charm, the bus transit system (very tourist friendly), the spring color of the trees and so on and so on, was only eclipsed by the reason that we were there. Jaws Fest brought me here, but 1,000 other reasons will bring me back. Your entire staff should be so very proud of the many, many, many hours that we as fans could see it obviously took to pull off what was a very well planned and very well organized weekend of nostalgia, old friends, faces that we have “seen” over and over, and good times to a film that has been part of many of our lives for a very long time. Basically, your team did it and did it perfectly. What a fun time that I had. As a fan of this film, I am still speechless as to what an excellent time that I spent over those four days on the Island. From the ribbon cutting ceremony to the film Friday night, on to the party at the Hot Tin Roof, and so on, your team scattered out the events as to give us a wide taste of the different parts of the Island, each as beautiful as the next. If I could afford it, I would live the rest of my life in Gay Head or Menemsha. I sent you some pictures of the poster I was able to complete. You will never see my two posters on eBay. What I will see are both on these posters, framed and displayed at my house for hopefully the next 30 years (and beyond for my kids). These posters I have had for about 10 years and living in L.A., have been able to receive some of the bigger names of the cast here, however, I never would have been able to add the names I obtained during Jaws Fest, if not for the hard work and organization of those responsible for Jaws Fest. In other words, thank you very much. There are two gals that I especially wish to say hi to, and thank them for their above and beyond friendliness. One gal has a very thick Irish accent and was setting up the ribbon cutting ceremony early Friday morning. Although she was very busy, she took time to smile and welcome my wife and me to the Island and encourage us to enjoy all the festivities. The other gal was a bit older, very tan, slender, and took time to point out the locals to me that Friday morning in helping get my posters signed. She gave my wife and me a sticker Saturday afternoon at the Church in Oak Bluffs, just after the fourth seminar. She was indeed a sweetheart that, again, although very busy shuffling people and the guests in and out, still had time to greet the crowd, chat a bit, and pass on her very welcoming smile. She mentioned that the sticker was rare, yet wanted us to have it. I do not know either of these ladies names, however, I wish to thank both of them dearly, and let them know that we took home a bit more of the Island’s charm, because of the both of them. To those that took perhaps an idea, to those that said yes this might be fun, to those that worked their buns off making it happen, I truly hope that you enjoyed the weekend as much as I did. I am a father of three, husband with a very demanding title insurance job here in Orange County, living 43 miles out in Riverside County. Kids are in all kinds of sports, and life gets real hectic. However, I brought back from your Island a feeling of relaxation, unbelievable enjoyment, photos of where they filmed one of the most amazing movies ever made, met some of the kindest people I have ever met, and for just a short time, spent the weekend in heaven’s backyard. Warm happiness and good fortune to the staff of the Chamber of Commerce, Island of Martha’s Vineyard. By the way, I was talking to Lee Fierro about some of my collection (it’s not much, like some) and she was amazed that many of the items she had never seen. I would like to package up some of my extra items as a gift to her (I gave her that Friday morning the John Williams LP, which she had never seen) and send them to her in c/o your office. It may take me a few weeks to get this together, but if possible, could you see that she receives it. Again, thank you so much for such a wonderful time. Stephen and Maria Duncan Mira Loma, California Applause for Jaws weekend To the Editor: In response to Mary Snyder’s letter about Jaws Fest and her designation of the event as a tourist attraction, let me assure her that if the three-day event had been scheduled any other weekend we would have conflicted with something, somewhere, somehow. It was never our intention to “take over” the weekend or push aside the high school commencement ceremony. And in truth, we didn’t do either. What we were highly successful in doing was putting together an unprecedented three-day event that celebrated not only the 30 years of the movie Jaws, the cast and characters, but also showed off our Island in all its glorious beauty. We successfully promoted Martha’s Vineyard as an Island community. And if you were one of the thousands sitting at Owen Park Friday night, June 3, you saw firsthand the Island beauty. The Steamship gliding across a majestically lit harbor, bonfire crackling in the foreground, visitors, neighbors and friends all sitting together watching a 30-year-old film that not only starred Islanders but one which was filmed in our own back yard. Mary Snyder’s letter tends to portray that businesses put tourism above community. For years I have tried to show that business is part of the community. We co-exist, thanks to that dirty little word, tourism, and the wonderful businesses such as Stop and Shop and Sam Khoohy, Menemsha Blues, Heather Gardens, Coogan Law Offices, Adventure Thrifty Car Rental, Murdick’s Fudge, Martha’s Vineyard Co-Operative Bank, Island Real Estate, American Real Estate, Bunch of Grapes Bookstore, Coca Cola, Tilton Rentall and many many more businesses that donate money, time, product, services and jobs back to our community. I applaud all the Island businesses and the Island non-profits that had the foresight to make some money on Jaws Fest weekend, and I wish them a prosperous summer season. Jeff Kristal President Tisbury Business Association No joke To the Editor: In answer to “Nothing big — HUD’s report,” Marge Chesnard must have read a different report than I did. There were 14 pages of things that had to be taken care of by Island Elderly Housing. It was not just light bulbs or smoke alarms, it was the illegal renting of The Love House third floor apartment, an addition put on at Woodside II without HUD approval, affirmative fair housing violations, HUD violations and concerns about management practices that lead to large staff turnover. The board needs to hear what HUD has said to them and start checking on what is really going on here; it is not just a few people upset. From Woodside Village we had over 45 signatures complaining about the constant change of personnel. I don’t find it laughable that HUD spends hundreds of thousands of dollars for elderly housing to be built and then gives Island Elderly Housing a below average rating. What about future funding with all these violations? Things just don’t add up; where is the joke? Marilyn Fredrick Woodside Village Happy tenant To the Editor: I have been a tenant of Hillside Village since 1990. I am very fortune to be in housing that is affordable for the Island’s senior population. Island Elderly Housing has set a goal to provide affordable housing for seniors and has done a good job in achieving this goal. The apartments are well designed to meet the housing needs of seniors. As a tenant, I have been satisfied with management and satisfied with maintenance for the most part. Recently, I did have some issues with maintenance, but the matter has been resolved. I am very pleased with the new maintenance person, who is very willing to meet the needs of the residents. I am very happy to be a resident of Hillside Village and support management in its efforts to meet the housing needs of our Island’s senior populations. Joseph Stiles Hillside Village Oak Bluffs irony To the Editor: It is ironic, but predictable, that the Oak Bluffs citizen who complained to the state architectural board about the delay in the construction of Kerry Scott’s accessibility ramp has not designated one of the four parking spaces in the lot adjacent to Nancy’s Restaurant for handicap patrons, as required by federal law and town bylaw section 5.1.3 (3), and has been done by Giordano’s and Offshore Ale restaurants. Joseph S. Vera Oak Bluffs and Cambridge Exemplary public servant To the Editor: Oak Bluffs selectman Kerry Scott has been an exemplary representative to her constituents. She’s accessible, hard working and a good listener. She asks smart questions, does her homework and keeps her eye on the long-term, big picture. She stands up for those who can’t speak. She has integrity, backbone, courage, follow-through and a willingness to take unpopular stands if it’s for the good of Oak Bluffs. She is consistently evenhanded, polite, professional and decent. Her leadership has energized the board and helped the town gain new respect and promise. How bizarre that this superb public official is now being singled out, threatened, attacked and harassed. It’s pretty clear that this will not shake Ms. Scott. But one could worry that such behavior has the potential to intimidate other town officials, or discourage similarly civic-minded people from ever running for public office, for fear of being subjected to the same kind of treatment. We hope not. Aaron Naparstek, Joanne Nerenberg, Arlo Keila Naparstek, Thomas J. Hund, Arthur Lev, Abe Naparstek, and Belleruth Naparstek, Oak Bluffs Try a little tax rebellion To the Editor: The Declaration of Independence was a protest of unfair taxes. So this year’s celebration of Independence Day is an appropriate time to declare that my family is withholding $1,000 from our Aquinnah real estate tax bill to protest the failure of the town and the tribe to offset costs to the town that are attributable to the federal housing project on the tribal land. Despite a lot of talk about “finding new revenue” we’re yet again starting another fiscal year where the taxpayers are covering these costs. We are particularly concerned that, although the tribe signed an agreement to reimburse the town for their share of fire, police, ambulance and other public safety costs, they are still budgeted to pay only $8,000 this year; less that two percent of our public safety costs. We’re even more disturbed that the tribe has not reimbursed the town this small amount for past years and that about $40,000 is way past due. There is no indication that the tribe intends to pay this money that it has long owed to the town. This is no way for a tribal government with a $5 million budget to treat a small town with a budget half that size, perhaps one-quarter of which is the direct result of tribal housing. There is no law preventing the tribe from paying their share. We demand that: The town identifies the actual costs attributable to the federal housing project. The town and the tribe continue their efforts to work together and find funds to offset the educational portion of these costs with state and federal funds. The tribe pays the town each year for the balance of the educational costs that aren’t covered by federal, state, or other funding. The tribe pays its fair share of public safety costs and all past monies due. Until that happens, we will continue to withhold a portion of our taxes each year. I hope you will too. I know this is a serious civil disobedience, but the burden of paying these costs has been borne by Aquinnah taxpayers for too long. I think it’s time to try a little tax rebellion. Our history has shown it’s worked before. Jonathan Kaye Aquinnah & Middletown, R.I. Hats off to Tisbury taxi To the Editor: I think the residents of Martha’s Vineyard should know that chivalry lives on-Island. My name is Donna. My husband David and I spent a glorious weekend on the Island during Jaws Fest. We did not go there just for that. Our friends that play in a band were playing at the Hot Tin Roof, and after a great night of meeting local residents and celebrities, we grabbed the first available taxi-van, Tisbury Taxi, to go back to our quaint B+B, Brady’s. We were accompanied by two other guests, Mike and Steve, who were from Scotland, and another visiting couple from another B+B. So on our journey back home talking about various films, like Jaws, and others, we were all in hysterical laughter chuckling at our Scot friends’ accents, trying to understand through the dialect. So our driver had dropped us four off first, and then into the night he went. Well, as Sunday was our day to depart from this Island, we were going to take some last-minute pics before we left. We were celebrating our 20th anniversary, and my husband’s birthday, too. So as I went to get my camera, the digital one I just got for Christmas from my husband, it was missing from my bag. Okay, don’t freak out, I say to myself. So I figured it’s either in the van, or at the Hot Tin Roof. Now what? So, I tell the owners of our B+B, that we are going to go to V.H., we were staying in O.B., to go search the taxi company’s vans. Mind you I forgot the name of the van service. The owners, with kind faces, say to me, “Don’t hold your breath, you know you had a decent camera; you know it is very unlikely that you will retrieve it.” But hey, if you don’t try, you will never know. Try to be positive is my only hope right now. Could I have just gone out and bought another camera, not really. I just cannot do that. This trip was a luxury for us, three days away to an Island that we live one hour away from, and our very first time there, too. So as we get to the taxi service company and scour through all the vans, it’s looking very dismal right now. We head off to the terminal in V.H., and we see other van services there, we ask several of the “summer-help” drivers if they might know this one van driver from last night. No, is all I heard. I go into the ferry terminal to ask to see a phone book and jot more numbers down of the other services. So as my husband is sitting there, waiting for me to come out and completely fall apart into a blubbering, hysterical “nut-job.” lo and behold but who is standing near a van? You guessed it, our driver from last night. Oh my. Woo-Hoo. He said he found our camera and brought it back to the main office and was hoping we would call. He drove to the main office, gave us our camera, and then drove us back to O.B. to our B+B. Mind you, yes, we did give him a generous tip for being so honest. So, just to let you know, Tisbury Taxi does have an honest young man working for them, his name is Brent, and yes, you do have to think positive, it works. Mr. and Mrs. David DeMello New Bedford Take the high ground To the Editor: It is interesting to see that the drawbridge between Oak Bluffs and Vineyard Haven is again surfacing in the newspapers. It now seems to be a given that the bridge will be replaced with something substantially the same. The only argument left is how ugly will the temporary replacement be and how long will it be there before the real bridge is finished. What happened to our supposed common sense? Here we are talking about global warming, rising sea levels, more frequent, more severe storm systems, and spending at least $30 million to replace an old drawbridge on a thin sliver of barrier beach. It is hard to see the common sense in that. What makes sense is to weld the bridge shut (very cheap) and invest the bridge money in the high ground road system that goes around the Lagoon. We are going to have to do it some day, so why not today? That way the bridge will last some extra years and give us time to do a good job on the important roads and when the bridge finally dies we can give it a proper burial and properly open the Lagoon to Vineyard Sound. Think about the traffic mess that happened a few weeks ago when the bridge crapped out for just a few hours. The problem was not with the bridge being out (it is inevitable that any such structure will be out from time to time) but with the other road systems, and they need to be addressed now. Weld the bridge shut or remove it altogether, but concentrate on the real long-term roads on high ground. Chris Murphy Chilmark No to Oak Bluffs To the Editor: I heartily agree with W. R. Deeble about the waste and expense increases at the Steamship Authority, especially maintaining a terminal and all its staff in Oak Bluffs — to say nothing of the plans to rebuild. Not only does Oak Bluffs have other regularly scheduled ferries, it expects more than a dozen cruise ships this summer to help put pedestrians on Circuit Avenue. In my experience, car drivers leaving the ferry do not want to stop and shop; they want to go to their destination and unload their cranky children. Foot passengers take the tour buses and the marvelous transit authority buses all over the Island, regardless of their port of entry. Shoppers will not be significantly lost. In addition to eliminating the Oak Bluffs terminal, I can suggest several other cost-saving measures. Do away with passenger tickets from the Island, thereby saving a ticket taker and printing costs, and double the fare from Woods Hole a la New York City bridges and tunnels. Make the food service self-supporting. Can others add to the list? As for the Five Corners traffic, which some from the Oak Bluffs boats go through anyway, it is a difficult intersection that has a number of options. One solution is to return Union Street to two-way, so up-Island people can bypass Five Corners altogether. On a final note, I think the change in management has led to some good changes, especially in reservations policy and procedure. Beatrice Phear West Tisbury Enjoyable day To the Editor: A big thank you to the Tisbury Police Department, Cycleworks, and the other sponsors and people involved in the 8th Annual Bicycle Safety Skills and Challenge on Sunday, June 26. My two children, along with many others, received new helmets (which were fitted to their heads perfectly) and colorful T-shirts. They learned important bicycle safety tips and participated in the obstacle course. To top it off, lunch was served by the officers and EMTs (delicious hot dogs and hamburgers for all). We all enjoyed the day, especially my son Max who won a beautiful shiny new bike. Marion Santos Vineyard Haven Autos, bikes, rate hikes To the Editor: As a member of the Joint Transportation Committee out of the Martha’s Vineyard Commission representing the interests of cyclists and pedestrians, one of the goals of the JTC’s transportation plan is to have those who visit the Vineyard leave their cars behind and take advantage of our growing Vineyard Transit Authority and (hopefully) improved bicycle facilities. There is the noise, the pollution and the visual blight of traffic that comes with the automobile. The beauty of our roads, the beauty of our down towns — Oak Bluffs, Vineyard Haven and Edgartown — is profoundly lessened with all the cars clogging the roads. So, here we are trying to find a way of lessening the impact of the automobile on this little Island, and I see that the Steamship Authority, because of the marked decrease in vehicular traffic (which is good), is considering increasing their rates (which is not good). Is this increase to include cyclists and pedestrians too? How about drastically cutting the rates of cyclists and pedestrians, those who have the least impact. Please remind me, whose interests are the SSA serving anyway? Something is very wrong with this picture. David J. Whitmon Oak Bluffs The best To the Editor: We wish to express our sincere thanks to all those who helped to make this Saturday’s car wash for the Oak Bluffs School Class of 2006 a giant success. Special thanks to Ace Hardware and Phillips Hardware for their donations of beautiful new hoses, and to Martha’s Vineyard Auto Supply for their donation of enough soap to last us for all the car washes we’ll be doing next year. Our deep appreciation to Sue and Will Debettencourt for their support and water-turning on abilities. We could not have done it without you. To everyone who showed up to get their car washed, thanks to you, we are $423 closer to getting to Philadelphia next year! And of course to all the parents and kids who scrubbed and sprayed, you’re the best. Jeannie Holenko Car Wash Committee Oak Bluffs Pennant race To the Editor: Just a quick thanks to the men and women who gave up all or part of a beautiful Sunday last week to help revamp the second baseball diamond (Field B) at Veterans Park. I was there along with the following people helping to put in new, easy to maintain base paths. Ray Tattersall (Men’s league commissioner), Lincoln Hugo (Batdogs), Todd?, Justen Ahren (Brewhas) Veronika Van der Geer (Capt., Mocha Motts Creamers), Lisa Stewart (Creamers), Lori’s dad, John from Hadley (Where’s our asparagus?), Elizabeth Rothwell (Creamers), Gwyn McAllister (Creamers), the guys playing basketball who were recruited (Brook and friends). If I neglected to mention anyone who showed up later, I apologize. Field A (under the lights) was redone last week by members of the men’s league, and the new MV Women’s Softball League was happy to have the chance to assist with the improvement effort. So, come on down any Tuesday night this summer at 6 pm to watch us play three exciting games as the six teams race for the pennant. Bring chairs. Free popcorn (courtesy of Island Spirit Kayak Adventure Tours)! Sarah Ahren Vineyard Haven Thoughtful decision To the Editor: I have notified the Board of Directors and staff of Vineyard Nursing Association that I will resign my position of President/CEO of Vineyard Nursing Association as of Sept. 9, 2005. I have given this decision a lot of thought. When I made a decision last fall to improve my health status, I did not consider what it would take for complete health of mind, body, and spirit. I have decided that for my sense of serenity, well-being and peace, it is essential that I continue to take the responsibility for my own personal transformation and growth. I have enjoyed a long career in health care on the Island for the past 37 years. For the last 20 years, I have served various Island organizations and in an executive capacity. I am proud of the good, meaningful work and contributions that I have been able to make. My focus has always been on the highest quality of patient care. My role as president/CEO of Vineyard Nursing Association has been most gratifying. To work with a staff that are truly committed to compassionate, high-quality, and state-of-the-art care has been a great honor. The professional and support staff here are the heart and soul of the Vineyard Nursing Association. I am enormously proud of the work that they do every day. The health care environment of today is so complex compared to that of my simple beginnings as a staff nurse 40 years ago. Working with so many of those who make up our Island network of health-care providers has enriched my life. I am glad to have an opportunity to say a sincere thanks to them all. I am confident that the transition to new leadership at Vineyard Nursing Association will be entirely successful. This agency and its board know how to get things right. The staff will continue to meet the home health-care needs in our community in keeping with their fine reputation for excellence. Vineyard Nursing Association stands ready to overcome any obstacles, successfully keeping pace with changing times to achieve our vision, to provide the highest quality of home care services to our community’s neediest residents. I know that Vineyard Nursing Association will remain steadfast in this journey. I am now ready to write some new personal chapters. I will move on with a sincere and open heart. I expect that new opportunities will allow me the chance to grow with a true sense of new hope rising. I will dig in gardens, soak my toes in the ocean regularly, enjoy my wonderful husband and kids, and my family and friends. Kathleen F. Rose RN, MSHA Edgartown Real estate language To the Editor: Lately I have been flirting with the idea of selling my house and buying something with a bit more privacy and more land for my dogs to roam. But, I was surprised when I began looking at the homes that are for sale here on the Island. As I read through the ads and drove by some of the homes for a quick peek, I realized something that I feel compelled to mention. Putting dormers on a tool shed does not make it a “cottage” or a “bungalow.” Also, you cannot claim a “water view” because your basement floods when it rains. I had never before realized the tendency of some of my fellow Islanders to stretch the truth in such covertly creative ways. Now I am not calling anyone dishonest, mind you. I just think that my research might be of help to those of us who are looking to buy a home in the near future. So here are the top 23 possible exaggerations in local real estate ads that you might want to look out for. “Carpenter’s Dream” sometimes means that it is a non-carpenter’s nightmare. “Water view” can mean anything from an actual water view to a broken sewer pipe in the yard. “Artist’s Retreat” appears to be a justification for anything strange looking with an overgrown yard. “Don’t miss this one” means that everyone else did. Any ad with “Starter” used in it basically means “tool shed for sale.” “Scenic walk to beach” means “put on your hiking boots.” “Minutes to beach” only applies to those with a helicopter. “Needs TLC” means “bring the dynamite.” “Turnkey” can mean that the owner is sticking you with a bunch of junky furniture to haul to the dump. “Price upon request” suggests that the EMTs should be on stand by when you call. “Historic and Famous” is another way of saying “Attention Dumb-Dumb!” “Tranquility” may refer to the fact that if it snows you are “screwed.” “Perfect Summer Home” might indicate that you should bring a coat after August. “Classic” may be referring to the fact that it is very old and looks even older. “Nestled hideaway” could be referring to the fact that the dirt road washed away recently. “Original and authentic” refers to the dust and paint job. “Income producer” may refer to the fact that you would not be caught dead living there yourself. “Possibilities” might be another way of saying that “miracles can happen.” “Chilmark’s best deal” occasionally refers to an outhouse with a bay window and deck. “Pond front” can mean, but not always, that it is next to a federally protected mosquito breeding ground. “Compound” may, in fact, indicate a “pre-fab” home and two trailers “Business opportunity” can sometimes mean that the store went bankrupt. “Charming” sometimes refers to the fact that the foundation shifted and the house is leaning at a funny angle. I hope this helps. Mark Martin Tisbury Quagmire To the Editor: I’m 58 years old, but I felt like a kid as I listened to the Vineyard Haven Band burst out a repertoire of patriotic songs at the bandstand in Ocean Park Sunday night. Like a little boy, I can’t fathom how our president can be so wrong. Mr. Bush has turned Iraq into a terrorist training territory. He lied when he attacked Iraq, and now he’s too stubborn to admit he was wrong, so he plans to “stay the course” and watch, “horrified,” as more Americans and Iraqis die. Iraqis don’t want democracy imposed on them. He doesn’t get it. Patriotic fervor of marching songs and the festivities of the Fourth of July remind me how much I love my country, but I’m disappointed at the foolish quagmire this administration has dragged us into and seems destined to drown in. Tom Dresser Oak Bluffs |
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