Parental Responsibilities
June 6, 2008 – 9:22 amDear Martha
My friend is about to quit a job she loves and is good at, leave people and a town she likes a lot and move back to the Deep South to be with her demented mother. This step is necessary, she says, because her two siblings who live nearby cannot be bothered with their mother.
How can I talk her out of this?
Distressed
Dear Distressed,
Thank you so much for this letter. I immediately showed it to my children so they can see what kind of a society we have become. People actually expect us to abandon our lonely, disabled, demented parents for a job. A job? You mean the place where after 20 years of toil, you can be fired over the most trivial, superficial thing? For example, you get pink slipped because your employers don’t like the way you installed a chicken bone through the septum of your nose. They say it freaks out the customers. And once they have cast you aside like just so much human refuse, they never bother to send you another Christmas card or think of you. Ever.
I finished the lecture to my children by telling them that the child who spends the most time with me at the end inherits everything, period. And if neither one rushes to my side in my time of need the way I did for them, oh, say, 1,134,973 times between the ages of birth and now, I am giving my entire estate to the cat shelter.
Next question?
Martha
"Martha" enjoys writing about your guests that won't leave, your wives that won't come home, and children who sink your unsinkable Boston Whalers.
One Response to “Parental Responsibilities”
Well, great, you’ve really laid on the guilt! Noble as it may be seem to be there for your aging parent, not every parent is as deserving as you. Are you seriously pressuring your own children even as they are still growing up? You make it sound as if this woman is talking just about her friend keeping a job - As if it is not difficult enough to have a parent with dementia, leaving a good job, friends and community for an uncertain future elsewhere is a huge sacrifice. I think that a good friend is one who is willing to talk through whether it is truly necessary to break up tents. She obviously cares enough to want to talk her out of it, which is a great thing. What if no one expressed regret about her decision to leave. On the other hand, perhaps the parent in question is actually very well attended to by two siblings who care. We don’t really know do we. I think you fired from the hip with your careless comments.
By Elaine on Jun 6, 2008