Dishevelled

Dear Martha,

One of my friends is coming to visit, and that’s great. She’s a live wire and I like her a lot. And she’s a great cook and she likes to show off her cooking. But she is incredibly sloppy in the kitchen. When the meal is ready to eat, the kitchen is a shambles and she never lifts a finger to clean up — I guess because she did her share in the cooking. But I am a neat cook and I cannot stand cleaning up after such a messy cook. How can I get her to stay out of my kitchen when she comes to visit?

Summer House Dish Slave

Dear SHDS,
You have three options for dealing with your friend. You can try to change her.  Tell her that her kitchen habits make you feel like you have lost control of your life in the place that is your refuge from the chaos of the world, and that you need her to keep a lid on her messiness.  In my experience, in spite of strenuous efforts, some spanning decades, I have never been able to change anyone, not one little iota. But I did do a pretty good job of alienating them.

You can try to change yourself by repeating this mantra, “Oh, I don’t mind spending my entire day tomorrow cleaning every pot and cooking utensil I own.  After all, I’m on vacation!  I’ve got the whole day to squander.”

Or you can change the situation.  Have your friend come for one or two nights at the most, and make sure you tell her on the ride to the house that tonight’s meal is already in the oven and you’ve got reservations for tomorrow.  And don’t forget to stop for paper plates on your way past the supermarket.

 Martha