Martha Says

School High

Dear Martha,

 Our 19 year old son is home from college and staying with us for the summer while working at a full time summer job. Yesterday I found a bag of marijuana in his dresser while putting away his laundry.  This is the second time this summer.  I have never exactly been a saint myself, but those days were long ago, and it pains me that he is doing this.  My husband and I fluctuate from thinking it’s a phase to thinking maybe we should sit down and talk to him about it.   Any advice for us?

 Just Say No.

Dear JSN,

 I’m assuming your son is doing OK in every other way as you haven’t mentioned any of the major red flags such as bad grades, car wrecks, or listening to old Barry Manilow records. But you, an alert, loving and sober (at present) parent, are genuinely bothered by this.  Therefore, you should say something. 

 So say this; “Marijuana is an illegal substance that has never been approved by the FDA! You could spiral down into cocaine abuse or heroin! You can never become President of the United States if you’re busted!   Oops!  I take that back.  You’ll get really, really stoned because pot is about a thousand times stronger than when I was smoking it back in ‘78!   Hey!  Are you laughing at me because you’re stoned or because I sound as posturing and shrill as I feel?”

 Seriously, have you ever in your entire life met anyone who gave up pot (yes) for any of these reasons (no)? 

 You should say to him what my Mom, the Alpha Parent, said to, um, someone I know.  It worked.  Tell him, “You, my wonderful son, are free to marry a man or a woman, drown yourself in credit card debt, and win a government sponsored trip to sprinkle ordnance over the Middle East.  Congratulations.  But under my roof, ‘tis my rules and Thou Shalt Not Smoke Nor Possess Pot, period.  And FURTHERMORE (this is the part that should scare the daylights out of him if you truly mean it) if you want to hang out and get high, then drop out of school and go work in a hash bar in Amsterdam, but if you think we are going to pay good money for you to drift through your pricy college in an altered state, then you really are high.” 

 Martha