AT
LARGE
Mercy
December 30, 2004
By
Doug Cabral
It
is not true that politicians and other public figures are without
consciences. As we all do, they regret the bad things they’ve
done.
But you and I have to deal with the wife, or the kids, or your mother.
All of them have that special inborn genetic technology. With it
they can detect your screw-ups whenever and wherever they are committed.
Sometimes, they even know before you do something wrong that you’re
going to. There’s no escaping.
The bigwigs believe that because they do business on the grand scale,
as they do, maybe they can slip by without getting caught.
That’s why they smile at odd moments. For instance, a typical
politician smiles when a camera is pointed at him. Now, if he happens
to be on the steps of the federal courthouse moments after being
indicted for tax evasion or election fraud, of course he wishes
he’d flossed that morning or that he’d taken his press
secretary’s advice about having his teeth bleached, or worn
the red tie rather than the blue, but he smiles broadly nevertheless,
as he says to the cameras and the microphones, it’s all a mistake,
I’ll be cleared in the end.
Nothing embarrasses them.
Senators and Congressmen and Presidents smile because they hope
the dazzle will blind us to their unfinished or mangled business.
But believe me, they and all the lesser public figures we endure
know they’ve done wrong, and if they can’t hide their
sins, well then they want forgiveness.
About this time each year, I offer forgiveness to the miscreants
who rule us. I am prepared to hear their sins and absolve them.
Sometimes I ask them to do a little penance.
Now, in the interest of full disclosure, these are newspaper absolutions,
not presidential pardons or divine indulgences. There are several
important differences.
First, and most regrettably, no money changes hands. Not one of
the recipients of this newspaper’s editorial clemency will
be obliged to kick in so much as a thin, persuasive dime to lubricate
the process. Which makes these dispensations cheap, I suppose, though
hardly honorable.
Second — and this is not necessarily something we are proud
of either — the recipients of clemency will be chosen mostly
by whimsy. The behavior of public figures needs a lot of forgiveness,
of course, but we have to pick and choose.
Third, clemency is based upon what I hear when the candidates make
their confessions to me in private. (There’s a little room
behind the office here where they come. There’s a screen between
the sinner and me. I can’t see them, but I can hear what they
say, and generally I know who they are.) Not everyone will apply,
of course, and if those who don’t confess get no forgiveness.
Fourth, when they say they’re sorry, I don’t always believe
them, but I figure feigned regret is better than smiling denial,
so all are welcome.
But, to the many public servants and just plain folks who make their
confessions but are not absolved, I say, be of good cheer. You will
have more to regret in the year ahead, and we can visit then.
Anyway, I have taken my place in the confessional. I await you.
Oh, by the way: if it helps, an embossed certificate, suitable for
framing, will be sent to each confessor.
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