The Martha's Vineyard Times The Martha's Vineyard Times
The Martha's Vineyard Times The Martha's Vineyard Times The Martha's Vineyard Times
The Martha's Vineyard Times The Martha's Vineyard Times

At Large

Someplace else

By Doug Cabral - August 31, 2006

Reasons to give up on Martha's Vineyard and move to the mainland:

  • The Vineyard's too crowded.
  • Except in the winter, when nobody's around.
  • There's too much traffic.
  • Housing is too expensive.
  • The rich people own all the good places and won't let us in.
  • I want to live someplace where you leave to go on vacation to some place where you wouldn't want to live.
  • The politicians stop in for cash in the summer, then forget about the place the rest of the year.
  • The electricity goes out every time we have a storm.
  • There's nothing for the kids to do.
  • The dating scene is a joke.
  • You have to drive 20 miles for a beer.
  • The fishing industry has collapsed.
  • You can't get a mooring in any of the harbors.
  • Edgartown just about closes up in the winter.
  • The summer residents think they own the place.
  • There are too many New York drivers.
  • There are too many New Jersey drivers.
  • I can't stand the mopeds.
  • Or the bicycles. (How come there aren't more bicycle paths?)
  • Or the joggers.
  • Or the walkers.
  • Or the ticks.
  • Or the skunks.
  • Or the turkeys.
  • NIMBY is epidemic.
  • There's no parking anywhere.
  • Going out to eat costs a fortune.
  • The good beaches are all private.
  • Do the nude bathers really think I want to look at that?
  • In Aquinnah, it's all of a sudden "lewd and lascivious"?
  • The lines at the Blinker intersection make me nuts.
  • The Vineyard won't be the Vineyard when they build that roundabout.
  • Five Corners is a death trap.
  • On a rainy summer day, down-Island is complete gridlock.
  • I'm tired of not being able to get a reservation when I want one.
  • Not only that, but the fares are too expensive.
  • Gasoline is outrageous, more than a quarter higher than it is four miles away.
  • Everything's more expensive.
  • Especially food, it's such a rip-off.
  • And now, Cronig's is going to close Sundays because the owner has decided, "our families, our community and our environment need us ..."
  • I want to live somewhere where the grocery store owner is not given to flights of sententious nonsense.
  • I want to live somewhere where there is no Cronig's.
  • I liked it better when Cronig's was on Main Street, and they delivered.
  • I want to live where there's a Super Stop and Shop or a Shaw's.
  • Or maybe a Whole Foods or a Costco, or even BJs.
  • Where summer folks aren't always asking, What do you do in the winter? We work on our genuflections to get ready for next summer.
  • And Burger King, I want to be able to get a bacon double cheeseburger, the meal, for $5.95.
  • And to build a house without being accused of committing a development of regional impact.
  • I want to live somewhere that is ordinary, not special.
  • And, certainly not precious.
  • Because, there was a time when we were unusual, then we became notorious in the 70s, and somewhere in the late 80s, we became special, and now we're on the verge of precious, if we're not already there.