Tags Posts tagged with "April Fools"

April Fools

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An Island-based startup's new popcorn allows movie-goers to find their corn in the dark. Parents have reported finding it easier to locate popcorn-eating children when dusk rolls around. — Photo illustration by Nicole Jackson

Tired of scattering your popcorn as you reach blindly into the bag in a darkened movie theater? The Glo-Corn Company, a local Martha’s Vineyard startup, has come up with a solution: glow-in-the-dark popcorn. The product is made possible through genetically modified organisms (GMOs), Glo-Corn media spokesman Iam Ernest said in a press release Tuesday.

“Our lab was able to genetically modify corn plants by inserting a gene from fireflies,” he explained.

Since there is an ongoing debate between biotechnology companies and some consumers about whether GMOs in food products are safe, Mr. Ernest said Glo-Corn Company wants to be very upfront about possible side-effects.

“Very, very minor,” he said. “A miniscule percentage of consumers have reported that they had a slight glow about them for several hours after eating the popcorn. But most said they considered that a plus, especially if they have to get up in a darkened room in the middle of the night.

“A few people also reported experiencing a temporary urge to stand under porchlights,” Mr. Ernest added.

In an effort to take the fear out of its product, he said the Glo-Corn Company has taken to the streets around theaters to offer movie-goers a free sample of glow-in-the-dark popcorn.

“We don’t want theater owners to suffer any backlash from patrons regarding our product, so we’ll be passing out bags of the popcorn from the trunks of our company cars, which will be parked not far from theaters, on public streets,” Mr. Ernest said. “Just look for small vehicles painted in neon yellow and white to resemble a popcorn kernel. And if it’s nighttime, some of the folks handing out the popcorn may be glowing.”

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Ernest Hemingway, who once displayed a prized Scup next to a Marlin, will not be visiting Oak Bluffs this summer. — Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons

Monster Scup tourney to come to OB.

Just when you thought the bloody mayhem was over in Oak Bluffs, a group of investors announced today that a Monster Scup Tournament will be held this July 21-14.

Not-so-Monster Scup, detail.
Not-so-Monster Scup, detail.

“The tournament serves two purposes,” said Oak Bluffs mayor Chris Alley. “The monster scup problem is out of hand. They’re decimating the food chain in our waters. They’re even scaring the monster sharks away. We have to kill as many as we can,” he said with an urgent tone.

“On the plus side, they’re a lot bloodier than sharks when you slice them open, and you never know what you’ll find, like that jet skier last year.”

“I’m all for it,” said Peter Martell, owner of the Wesley Hotel. “Between the fishermen, their families, and all the national guard, it’s going to bring a lot of business to Oak Bluffs.”

(April Fools).

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The question is, will the busy signal also be preserved?

In a moving ceremony, the public phone on New York Ave, at the bus stop in front of the State police station, was designated the last standing public phone in America and placed on the historic register. Public phones, or phone booths as they were once called by old people, were used in the previous century when people had to stop walking and put currency in a slot to make a phone call. People got their money back if they got a “busy signal,” which faded into extinction in 2004.

(April Fools.)

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The hat was a dead giveaway.

Hiding in plain site.

A groundbreaking archeological discovery in Tisbury has confirmed that Vikings were indeed the first non-native visitors to the Island. “The most amazing thing is that this long boat was hiding in plain sight for over a thousand years,” said archeologist Dr. Jacques Moureau. “Carbon dating and the inscription inside the helmet ‘Olaf DeBettencourt,’ sealed the deal,” he said.

(April Fools.)

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Proposed design of new device to punish litterers. — Austen Redman via Wikimedia Commons

Trash: we’re mad as hell and we’re not going to take it anymore.

In an act of unprecedented Island cooperation, the selectmen of all six towns agreed on something. Starting June 1, anyone caught littering, either in the act or by detectives in a newly formed Island Trash Task Force (ITTF), will be put in stocks on the public common of that town.

Tomatoes, especially ripe, local organic tomatoes, can be used for an extra fee.
Tomatoes, especially ripe, local organic tomatoes, can be used for an extra fee.

“We’re tired of people littering here. It’s out of control and we’re not going to put up with it anymore,” said Chilmark selectman Ichabod Mayhew. “Reviving the quaint New England tradition will have numerous benefits. People will finally get the message that you can’t litter here, and the towns can make extra cash,” he said. “People can mock the litterer for free, but for $5, they get a rotting, locally grown, organic vegetable to throw at them. It’s win-win.”

(April Fools.)