To the Editor:
Dear Mr. Fireball-Cinnamon-Whisky-Nips drinker — I don’t know why I think you’re a man, so excuse me if you’re not — I see your nip bottles scattered along East Chop Drive, and I am concerned. There are so many of them, I’m wondering if a simple nip isn’t doing the trick. Have you considered buying a larger bottle of the stuff? Think of the benefits. If you’re always chucking those troublesome little nip bottles out your car window, it’s only a matter of time before you get carpal tunnel. I’m also concerned about your finances. The cost of all those little Fireball Cinnamon Whisky nips surely adds up. I know they’re cute and fun to buy, and that red devil on the label probably makes you feel like a devil yourself, but maybe it’s time to make a break for it and put the nips behind you.