Love and respect for elders, community, reciprocity, and good food are abundant at Relationship Lunches, held tri-weekly at the Wampanoag Tribal Community Center. Juli Vanderhoop and Chef Ting have teamed up since March to provide delicious sustenance and hold the space for something very special to occur.
My partner in journalism, photographer Dena Porter, and I were fortunate enough to be invited to take in the experience. Arriving early, I spoke with Chef Ting and Vanderhoop about the origins of the lunches as they prepared a meal of rosemary chicken, roasted cauliflower, and fresh bread and butter, along with the first of the season’s sweet, ripe watermelon. Each day, the two chefs make meals that focus on healthy eating, with a particular concern for individuals with diabetes.
“The free food is significant, but far more important is getting seniors out of their homes,” Chef Ting told me. “It’s getting them out of the isolated space and reconnecting with community. Some of the elders who were spending increasing time alone are now coming to the lunches. It’s about connection to others, as well as emotional and physical health. I think initially some of them showed up for the food, but I believe they have all figured out it is way more than that.”
Chef Ting said that on a given day, conversation can range from examining photographs that stimulate memories to sharing stories of past times, and discussing town and tribal politics. Of the latter, Vanderhoop says, “We’re coming at it from the perspective that we’re going to rise and be positive, to take a breath, and then step forward. It’s really important to both of us that we’re addressing challenges, but not ingesting negative things.”
Continuing, Vanderhoop points out, “This generation has seen so much trauma through colonization, children being forced to go away to schools that erased their identity, their families leaving the Island, and having to gain who we are and grab ahold of it. Approximately 70 to 80 percent of tribal members no longer live on the Island, which leads to a loss of language and food knowledge that we’re trying to bring back.”
The Relationship Lunch was based on a premise put forth by Robin Wall Kimmerer, author of the New York Times bestseller “Braiding Sweetgrass.” Simon & Schuster describes her writing in “The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World”: “As an Indigenous scientist and author, Kimmerer harvests serviceberries alongside the birds, considering the ethic of reciprocity that lies at the heart of the gift economy. She asks, ‘How can we learn from indigenous wisdom and the plant world to reimagine what we value most?’”
Vanderhoop speaks about the importance of tribe members sitting together and grounding in who they are as Wampanoag, not only as the first peoples of this land but also as a community that is very much still here. “We have seen some beautiful things happen,” she says.
This was evident during lunch, which Vanderhoop began with a prayer in Wampanoag that she translated into English afterward. There was a heartfelt sharing about an elder who had passed. Barbara Gentry spoke of Roxanne Ackerman, who contributed greatly to the community. Vanderhoop recalled, “Roxanne served on the school committee for over 25 years, was a librarian, navigated through selfish issues on Menemsha pond, and selflessly assisted at every event.” The lunch also served as a teaching moment. Gentry explained that when someone in the community passes, no one should attend any political meetings, tribal or town, out of respect for the family.
A conversation about affordable housing on tribal land took place at a recent town meeting. During the discussion, town administrator Jeffrey Madison provided some background on the evolution of tribal land in Aquinnah. In the 1800s, with no paved roads all the way up-Island, it was easier to travel from Aquinnah (then called Gay Head) by boat to New Bedford than to get to Vineyard Haven. Madison went on to explain that in 1870, the state divided and parceled out Wampanoag common lands to individual owners, who then had complete freedom to sell them. As Aquinnah became a tourist destination, non-indigenous people eventually began buying plots to build homes on the water. Madison also shared, much to everyone’s amazement, that parcels were sometimes given away as prizes in the Striped Bass Derby.
Vanderhoop told me, “The Relationship Lunch is a gift we can give to our older generation. And they have so much knowledge that it’s an opportunity to learn from them.” She also shared some beautiful moments that have happened during other lunches.
Sometimes, there is a serendipitous crossover with afterschool programs, allowing for essential and moving intergenerational exchanges. Chef Ting recalls a time when a young child ran to an elder who had no children of her own. “The child wrapped her arms around the woman’s waist and put her head in her lap. It didn’t end there. The young one took five or six steps and then came back, having a conversation that lit up the elder.”
Chef Ting laughs about her and Vanderhoop’s initial plans: “Juli and I joke a lot that we spent two and a half months putting together the curriculum and thinking about programming. Then we realized we were in a room full of grandparents, and they knew everything, making it very clear that we didn’t. For us, it’s been a change. We are both leaders in our businesses, and used to being in charge. But we both come from cultures where elders are honored, and you respect what they say and what they want to do.”
