On July 14, author David Sedaris performed at the Tabernacle. The place was packed, the crowd was pumped, and numerous times throughout the evening, the man sitting next to me laughed so hard he nearly fell out of his chair.
For those not in the know, Sedaris is one of America’s most popular humor writers. The first book I ever read by him was “Holidays on Ice.” I remember lying in bed next to my husband, snort-laughing my way through the essay “Santaland Diaries” — an account of Sedaris’ time spent working as a Christmas elf at Macy’s department store. I can’t recall what my husband was reading — most likely a riveting book on crown molding — but I do remember trying not to continuously interrupt him by saying, “Listen to this …” because it’s annoying. But it wasn’t easy.
Turns out Sedaris doesn’t share my love of “Santaland Diaries.” In 2020, he told Publisher’s Weekly that he had no idea why the essay went over so well. “There are about two early things I’ve written that I could go back and read again, and that’s not one of them. It’s confusing, because you go to a reading and you choose things you think are coming along well, and that you’re proud of, and people ask you to read ‘Santaland,’ and a) it’s June, and b) I would never read that. Never.”
Still, I (along with millions of others) found “Santaland Diaries,” and many of Sedaris’ other works, hilarious. Sedaris is prolific. According to his website, he is the author of “Barrel Fever,” “Naked,” “Me Talk Pretty One Day,” “Dress Your Family in Corduroy and Denim,” “When You Are Engulfed in Flames,” “Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls,” “Happy-Go-Lucky,” and “Calypso.” The audio version of “Let’s Explore Diabetes with Owls” was a Grammy Awards nominee for Best Spoken Word Album in 2014. Sedaris is also the author of the New York Times best-selling collection of fables titled “Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk: A Modest Bestiary,” with illustrations by Ian Falconer. His writing appears regularly in the New Yorker, and has been included in “The Best American Essays.” And he and his sister, actor and comedian Amy Sedaris, have collaborated under the name “The Talent Family,” and have written half a dozen plays, which have been produced at La Mama and Lincoln Center.
Known for wearing unique outfits to his readings, Sedaris walked onto the Tabernacle stage in a pink button-down top and fuchsia culottes. “I call this tour the Lobster Tour,” he began, “because I go to places that sell lobster rolls.”
Throughout the evening, he read essays covering a variety of topics, including but not limited to: not being able to escape from people who talk at him about subjects he doesn’t care about; how often he falls; being bit by a dog owned by an addict who was smoking fentanyl out of a baby carriage; and a trip to Guatemala, where he went horseback riding on the ugliest horse he’d ever seen (named Tequila), who was being led by a man wearing a shirt that said, “I stand with Black women.”
As it is when attending a Sedaris reading, you simply had to be there. So instead of trying to reinvent the wheel, I’ll simply share a few Sedaris snippets. Some quotes are paraphrased, as I was writing in the dark while trying not to jab my pen into the thigh of the man sitting next to me.
“There was a Chinese man suing his wife because their kids were ugly. He didn’t know she’d had plastic surgery.”
“I did a lot of drugs. At 21, I was an alcoholic and addicted to meth. I gave it all up. Not because of the strength of my character, but because my dealer moved away.”
“Doctor, I can’t feel my legs!” “I know, I amputated your arms.”
“Why is everyone so afraid to say to a person who is addicted to fentanyl, ‘You shouldn’t let your dog bite people?’ I think it’s because we’re afraid we’ll be mistaken for Republicans.”
Aside from book signings, Sedaris takes time at the end for a Q and A session with the audience. Here are some of the questions folks asked:
Q: “Do you have any pets?”
A: “Hugh [Sedaris’ husband] and I travel so much … though I have been trying to get a crow. There is one who lives in our backyard in England. Our neighbor has a crow. Once he stole all the money out of his wallet.”
Q: “Are there certain things you won’t write about?”
A: “I met a woman in one of my book-signing lines who said when her dad died, she found dick pictures on his phone. She forwarded them to her brother, who was then receiving dick pictures from his father. No one is going to find anything in my house when I die. Nothing.” Sedaris also noted that he doesn’t write about his sex life. “If I stand onstage and tell you about me falling, you can picture me falling … you don’t want to picture me having sex.”
Q: “What is the most interesting thing about getting older?”
A: “When I see someone older now, I can picture them younger — someone with a walker, I’m seeing a hippie. When you’re young, you just see an old person.”
If you missed this event, you can check out his tour dates and locations at: tickets-center.com/search/david-sedaris-tickets.