Dogcharamer: The thief meets the Dog God

The Dog God is on your side.

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Learn how to keep your dog away from the people food with this Dogcharmer tip. —Kristofer Rabasca

You get home, really hungry, really looking forward to that pastrami on rye you’ve been thinking about for the last hour. Finally, you’re in the den with the sandwich, chips, and root beer. Pilfer, your sweet golden, is on the other side of the room, only interested in lying down after the long walk. Just as you’re reaching to grab that first bite, the phone, which you left in the kitchen, rings. You’re back in seconds after telling the caller you’ll call back, and there’s Pilfer, licking his lips, telling you with his guilty eyes, “I left you some chips.”

Enter the Dog God, who sees all, all the time, and doesn’t like it when you take my stuff! Put a hot dog, or whatever, in a closed Tupperware container that you perforated a lot, and leave it on the low table in the den. Set up a mirror that enables you to see the table when you’re out of the room or out of sight. Have two metal pots at the ready as you observe Pilfer, dare I say it, try to pilfer the hot dog. Just as his nose touches the container, bang the two pots together and don’t laugh as he screws himself through the ceiling in startlement. Re-enter the room with a smile and pleasant greeting, as though you had nothing to do with it.

Doesn’t have to be two pots — an air horn, loud whistle, siren, anything that startles the hell out of him will do. The Dog God sees all, and doesn’t like it when you take my stuff!