Penne for his thoughts 

Pastafarian renews his license with a nod to Flying Spaghetti Monster.

By
George Brennan
-
12

Five years ago, Don Keller — a devout Pastafarian and a frequent Times commenter — elbowed his way into local fame by donning a colander and showing up at the Registry of Motor Vehicles for his license close-up.

Keller, now 70, was told in 2017 that he was the first to don a colander for his license photo on Martha’s Vineyard when he did it that year. He was following in the footsteps of Lindsay Miller, who in 2015 won a court case allowing the unusual cap to be worn in a license photo.

As The Times previously reported, Pastafarianism is a light-hearted religion established by Bobby Henderson in 2005, according to published reports. Henderson established himself as a Pastafarian in opposition to teaching intelligent design and creationism in the classroom. The religion has caught on in recent years, with Pastafarians pushing to have their beliefs recognized by the government and, like Keller, by wearing colanders in license photographs.

In the five years since he got that initial license, Keller has been needled about the colander atop his noodle. He’s also generated a few light moments with police officers, clerks at cannabis dispensaries, and rental agents.

“It’s always a laugh. Every single time. They ask, ‘How did you pull that off?’” Keller told The Times. “The very first time I got stopped by a police officer, it was about 1 o’clock in the morning at the Tisbury School. I was coming home from my poker game. My inspection sticker was two days overdue.” 

Keller got pulled over, and reached into his new wallet and instinctively pulled out what he thought was his license. “[The officer] said, ‘This is a credit card,’” Keller recalled. “It was dark, [the card] was where I used to keep it. I said, ‘I’m just a little nervous because this is the first time I’ve had to show this license to a police officer.’ Then I gave him my license. It was all good from there. He was a young officer, very nice. He takes it, looks at it, and turns it over, and says, ‘You’ve gotta tell me how you got this.’ So we sat there for 10 minutes and laughed about religion a little bit.”

There were similar knowing chuckles after Keller hit a deer and had to go into the West Tisbury station to pick up the police report. “The officer said, ‘I had to pull up your license to get the report,’ and he said, ‘What’s the backstory on this?’ The chief was sitting there and said, ‘Oh, he’s the Pastafarian.’ We all talked about it for about 10 minutes,” Keller said.

Even during a tense situation where a Black friend was called the n-word and confronted by a drunk man with an ax, the colander-topped license photo eased the tension. “It’s America. You can be a racist. You can call my friend anything you want. You pick up an ax and I’m going to call the cops,” Keller said. Police arrived and interviewed him. They asked for an ID. “The cop says, ‘What?’ The other cop looks over and says, ‘I read about him in the paper, he’s a Pastafarian.’” They all had a good laugh.

“When I went away, I felt really good because these three cops were going to — in the next few minutes — they were going to knock on the door of a big drunk guy with an ax and there we are in the street laughing. I can’t tell you how many times cops have said, We need more humor in our business. We don’t get enough fun.”

Only once did the colander photo cause an officer to nearly reach a boiling point. Keller said that was with former Tisbury Police Sgt. Jeff Day, who has had his share of troubles, and recently resigned from the department. Keller said he showed his license, and Day was not amused.

“I live off Franklin Street. They changed the speed limit from 35 to 25 mph. He got me within two days of that — going 35,” Keller said. “I showed him the license, and he just kind of looked at it and gave me this funny look. I said, ‘The colander is for religious purposes.’ He’s like, ‘Yeah, OK.’ He had no sense of humor at all.”

At a rental car agency in Barbados — a frequent destination for Keller — he was asked if he was required to wear the colander while he was driving. “Of course, I said no, I just have to have my glasses because there’s a restriction on my license.”

At a marijuana dispensary where he was picking up CBD products, the license caused a stir because it was a first. “I went into a pot shop and the guy holds up my license and he goes, ‘Bingo, we’ve got a Pastafarian.’”

Keller has used his license as an icebreaker at family funerals and weddings. He’s even gotten a few converts, and one family member spent the $25 (it may be more now) to become a minister — the head cheese on top of the meatballs and sauce.

Mocking comes along with the territory, but Keller is willing to debate the merits of the Flying Spaghetti Monster — the religion’s deity — with the resurrection of Jesus Christ over a plate of anyone’s favorite linguine: “How can I be offended by someone criticizing me for believing in the Flying Spaghetti Monster?”

There is one place Keller won’t chance using his license photo with the colander cap — that’s at TSA, while checking in at the airport: “I have a passport, and I have enough sense not to put a colander on my head for a passport.”

As Keller would say, Ramen.

RELATED ARTICLESMORE FROM AUTHOR

12 COMMENTS

    • Susan– If you want to be a Pastafarian, you are one !
      Easy peasy,— simple as that.

      There are some advantages.

      You don’t have to give up any other religious beliefs you may have. Yes, you can have dual religionship,as long as your other religion does not prohibit it.

      If you ever decide you no longer want to be a Pastafarian you are free to do so.
      No one will accuse you of blasphemy, put out a fatwa calling for your death or any of those other various nasty things that religions do to keep people in their cult.

      You can draw pictures of what you think the FSM looks like, and you can take his name in vain.

      You will not be required to donate any money to the church.

      if you wind up in Pastafarian heaven, there are beer volcanoes (dispensing perfectly chilled quality beer of your choice) and stripper “factories” — I’m not quite sure why the word “factories” is used, but all things are not known to mere mortals.
      if you wind up in Pastafarian hell, the beer is warm and flat, and the strippers have std’s.
      Since the Catholic nuns assured me when I was 11 years old that I was going to hell, I’ll take the Pastafarian version.

      I have found that you can pretty easily get a used copy of “The gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster” for under $5

      If you want to be an ordained minister, you can donate 50 tax deductible dollars and get a frameable certificate of ordination, and a card you can carry in a wallet.
      https://order.spaghettimonster.org/Ordination/

      Peace love and Pasta …

      • Thanks Don, I’m in! Being Unitarian I embrace and practice a variety of spiritual practices. I’m thrilled to add Pastafarianism to my life.

  2. Pastafarians use Sept 19 every year as a day they use ”Pirate Speak” and on that day they speak in order to curb global warming. Sure enough, every day after is always colder than the temperature on June 10. It is a recognized religion in Poland, New Zealand and Holland but hasn’t gotten legitimacy in the USA as yet. Wearing one of those colanders while going to a Pot Shop really gives credibility to the devotee.

    • andy, andy, andy… where do I start ?
      I guess with what you got right.
      Pastafarianism is a recognized religion in Poland, New Zealand and Holland but hasn’t gotten legitimacy in the USA as yet. You get a star–

      Sept 19 is “international talk like a pirate day”, but other than the fact that pirates are the FSM’s chosen people it has nothing to do with Pastafarians. Many Pastafarians do however celebrate this day. you get a “C”

      Then you descend into your usual psychobabble rabbit hole.
      Pastafarians, and anyone else for that matter, are free to talk any way they want on any day. Somehow you think Pastafarians talk pirate about climate change ????? Huh ???
      Really ???? I know where the tiny grain of sand that turned into this ridiculous “fact” that you seem to believe came from.
      In “The gospel of the FSM” there is a chapter about the direct statistical correlation between the fact that fewer people are choosing pirating as a career, and the corresponding rise in global temperatures.
      https://pastafarians.org.au/pastafarianism/pirates-and-global-warming/
      Then you really go off the cliff, and claim that every day after Sept 19 is colder than June 10. Not in the southern hemisphere,,,, But that’s a science lesson for another day.
      Why June 10 ?
      But the actual observable fact is that globally , on average, EVERY day is warmer than the day before. You can have your beliefs as to why that may be, but it’s the fact You get an “F” for that one.

      And finally, nothing in this article, states that I wore a colander into a pot shop.
      In fact, I did not. But for some reason, the big bad government requires pot shop owners to keep a record of everyone who comes into their store regardless if they purchase anything or not— you have to show an ID to get in the door. Mine happens to have a picture of me with my religious head gear on, and they immediately recognized the symbolism.
      By the way, I do not indulge in any cannabis related products. On that day I purchased CBD gummies for a friend who has arthritis and insomnia and is unfortunate enough to live in a state that would rather people buy guns than something to ease their pain.
      Your statement that I wore a colander into that legal establishment gets you 3 Pinocchio’s.

  3. I’m still on the first paragraph but had to stop and give George a slow clap for the puns.

  4. I intend to convert, but I shall be forced to keep a lower profile. Police in my country, (Littletown MA) lack a sense of humor, and I fear arrest for eccentricity, which is illegal in this town.

    • John– I’m sure there are many “pantry Pastafarians” out there.
      Keep the faith.

      Raamen

  7. Any chance we can get Keller and Engelman on stage to discuss current events. The back and forth is worth the price of admission. Seriously, both you guys are doing a service to this community by passionately articulating your points of view in a civilized manner. I truly learn from both of you.

Comments are closed.