October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, a monthlong observance focusing on acknowledging survivors, remembering victims, and shining a light on an issue that impacts millions of women, families, and society at large. Domestic violence refers to violence among people in a domestic situation, often connected to a spouse or partner, but it can also include siblings, parents, aunts, uncles, etc.
Access to domestic violence services vary across the country. In general, rural areas have fewer shelters, physical and mental health professionals, law enforcement, and judicial personnel than urban areas. Luckily, the Island community has access to Connect to End Violence (Connect), a dual domestic violence program and rape crisis center. Connect provides free and confidential services to people of all ages and genders who have experienced or witnessed domestic or sexual violence.
When we hear the word violence, we often associate it with physicality, but it exists in numerous forms. “I would like to think people know that physical abuse isn’t the only abuse,” says Susan Mercier, division director for domestic and sexual violence services at Connect to End Violence. “But verbal abuse is domestic violence as well.”
Mercier says that other forms of domestic abuse include “a partner who is consistently jealous of their partner’s coworkers and shows up at their workplace repeatedly to make sure they’re not talking to anyone. This could lead to that person losing their job and becoming financially dependent on the abusive partner, and becoming more isolated; an abusive partner holding onto their spouse’s important documents like passport and ID, limiting their ability to travel to see family or make an escape plan are also forms of abuse. Immigration status can also be used as a threat by an abusive person, and coercive control, which can involve technology like demanding a partner give them access to their phone, tracking location, controlling the family finances, and threats to pets.”
In 2024, coercive control was added to Massachusetts General Laws Chapter 209A, defining abuse to include a pattern of behavior intended to threaten, intimidate, or isolate a family or household member. “A 209A is what is typically what is called a restraining order or protective order, and is for married couples, dating or former dating relationships, family members, or people who live together,” Mercier says. “Coercive control provides a better representation of what domestic violence looks like so survivors can get help before things escalate to physical violence.”
Connect to End Violence programming manager Emily Medeiros says, “We are also seeing changes in the law recognizing the different forms of abuse people are experiencing, including marital sexual assault.”
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, it wasn’t until 1994 that marital rape was considered a crime in all 50 states. Congress passed the first Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) with bipartisan support. VAWA was the first comprehensive federal law designating domestic violence as a crime, and providing resources for victims. Yet even today, some states have loopholes that exempt spousal rape from criminal prosecution, making it a lesser crime than nonspousal rape.
Though most people know that violence — sexual or otherwise — isn’t acceptable, some may not know what a healthy relationship looks like. “Connect helps people realize what is and is not OK in relationships,” Meideros says. “We also help people realize that just like anywhere across the country, the Island has domestic violence. People are surprised that there is a crisis center on the Island. But we aren’t immune to it.”
When addressing abuse, Meideros says, it’s important to focus on empowerment: “We tend not to use the word victims. Using the word survivors is more empowering. Someone who is seeking help has already experienced someone else taking power and control over their bodies, lives, and choices. We give our survivors many opportunities to take control back — even showing up at the office, or asking their doctor to make a referral, is taking control. It’s a very important step in knowing they’re ready.”
Though centers for domestic violence are crucial for survivors and community members, there is growing concern around funding designated to help. The National Network to End Domestic Violence reports that the release of President Trump’s 2026 “skinny budget” is deeply concerning for advocates and survivors of domestic violence. The cuts propose a reduction and possible elimination of a wide range of federal programs that millions of survivors rely on.
95 percent of Connect’s funding comes from state-funded streams, so it doesn’t have to heavily rely on the federal government for assistance. “Connect receives funding from the Department of Public Health because domestic violence is considered a significant public health issue that has a profound impact on the health and well-being of individuals and families,” Mercier says. “This highlights the far-reaching impact of domestic violence, and why support as well as prevention work is so important.”
The saying “It takes a village” rings true for many issues, including domestic violence. Mercier says that engaging men in conversations around healthy relationships, in schools, and in the community is an important part of its outreach: “Jack Pachico runs our men’s initiative program at Connect. I would love to start seeing more group programs for men, and more mentoring programs. We are looking for committed men in our community to mentor young men in our community around healthy relationships and [how to]be a good partner.”
One program Pachico is working on is training for bar and restaurant staff. “It covers three main areas: being an active bystander, de-escalation, and how to support someone in a situation,” he says. “With how busy the Island gets seasonally, this could really help keep both the community and our visitors safe.”
Pachico also helps facilitate Connect programs by bringing in a male perspective and challenging the idea that domestic violence is only a women’s issue: “This is something that can affect anyone. I believe when men are part of the conversation and the solution, it helps create safer and more open spaces for everyone. I hope to help make it easier for other men to feel comfortable when it comes to reaching out for help or getting involved.”
Helping to change a culture also requires getting young people involved. “At the high school, we have our SWEAR (Stand with Everyone Against Rape) student leadership program,” Medeiros says. “Students in their junior year go on a two-day retreat where they talk about healthy relationships, toxic masculinity, and more, and bring that back to school. They also help with our healthy relationships programs in grades sixth through eighth with Connect counselors.”
The main thing Meideros wants the Island community to know is that Connect is here for everyone: “We are always available if people want to engage in services for themselves or a friend or a family member. We can also give support to friends and family on how to talk to people they are concerned about.”
If an Island organization, business, or community member would like to show support, Connect is providing purple lights to remember victims and survivors, and to raise awareness about domestic violence. The lights can be picked up at its main campus at the Community Service campus in Oak Bluffs.
All services, including bilingual, are available on a walk-in basis, or by appointment. Connect to End Violence, Martha’s Vineyard Community Services, 774-549-9667. 24-hour crisis hotline: 508-696-SAFE (7233); mvcommunityservices.org.