It’s that time of year again — shopping, baking, eating … parties. Trepidation around attending holiday parties is normal. Social anxiety, busy schedules, and whether the party is work-related, friend-based, or family-centered, all play a role. If you’re feeling a little unsettled about the upcoming parties on your calendar, here are some guidelines that may help ease your mind.
Fashion tips
Adding a little holiday flair to your wardrobe is fun, and depending on the kind of party you’re attending, appropriate. But when in doubt, keep it simple. For example, it might be wise to reconsider wearing that LED light-up tutu with an “I do it for the hos” Santa hat to a work party. If you and your beloved are over the age of 8, matching green sweatsuits and Christmas-bulb necklaces are best worn within the confines of your own house.
Also, though it’s easy to get swept up in the holiday spirit, leave the costumes at home. If you’re an enthusiastic Catholic, for example, ask yourself if your partner’s holiday work party is the best place to arrive dressed as the Virgin Mary. Sure it’d be fun (for you) to perform a monologue from “The Testament of Mary” to a captive audience, but remember, most people don’t come to a holiday party to watch a play. They come to eat and drink too much and snog in the bathroom.
Gifts for the holiday party host
When buying a gift for the party host, it’s important to take a few things into consideration. What are their interests? Do they love sweets? How old are they? When in doubt, use common sense. Example: Dentures are extremely realistic-looking these days, so if your host is a bit on the elderly side, avoid bringing toffee, jelly beans, or peanut brittle. If you don’t know about your host’s relationship with sobriety, don’t bring espresso martini cheesecake, boozy ice cream, or brownies baked by a guy named Trip whose greatest achievement in life was following the Grateful Dead around for 30 years.
If you’d rather go the nonedible gift route, avoid items that are obvious regifts, such an ornament with last year’s date etched on it, your old iPhone, or partially used lipstick. Also, unless you know your host’s particular brand of humor, avoid gifts like that Kama Sutra book from your Aunt Ruth who mistook it for an art book, or a pet rock named Kevin, or 10 lords-a-leaping from a local escort service.
Topics to avoid
Topics of conversation can be slippery — especially at office festivities. To be safe, try not to brag about your yule log, share your theory about Rudolph’s red nose signaling a drinking problem, or that your greatest desire in life is to be a ho, ho, ho.
Activities to avoid
Even if there is a game plan for the evening, boredom can still rear its ugly head, so here are a few no-noes: loudly announcing that the bean dip looks exactly like fecal matter; cornering someone in the kitchen and telling them all about your new interest in cheese rolling; breaking into a scene from “It’s a Wonderful Life”; crawling under the table to feed the dog, even if the dog is more entertaining than the guests.
Knowing when it is time to say goodbye
There are some telltale signs that it’s time to depart from a holiday gala: You’ve just wiped your nose on the tablecloth after cry-singing “Careless Whisper” by George Michael for the third time; you’ve started photocopying various parts of your body; you’re dancing alone in the corner with a gyrating mechanical Santa; the host went to bed hours ago.
Don’t be discouraged by the number of holiday gigs you must attend this year. All will be well, and perhaps even fun, if you follow these simple guidelines. Oh, and one more thing: Mistletoe should only be hung from inanimate objects, not body parts.
