To the Editor:
A few years ago, my family went through a very difficult time. My sister had become addicted to heroin. I wrote a message to her on Facebook that she never saw until just a couple of days ago, when I reposted it. My family is lucky — my sister got clean, and has been clean for two and a half years. What I wrote to her is a very heartfelt look into how my family and I felt at the time. With the rash of overdoses we have had here on the Cape and Islands, I thought I would share it here. My hope is it will let other families know they are not alone in their feelings of helplessness.
I love you, you know who you are, and there is nothing random in the things I am about to say.
I know that life is hard right now. I know that you feel lost and alone. I know that you feel overwhelmed and confused. I know you feel sick and tired. I know you look back and ask yourself what happened to you. I know there are days when you can’t face looking at yourself in the mirror. I know when you do look at yourself, that you see only a ghost of your former self. I know that you fight a monster every single day. I know all these things and I am helpless.
When I look at you, I see the girl you were. I can’t help it. She was always so happy, and had so much potential. She never gave up and never gave in. You had so much spunk and determination; you refused to let the little things get you down. You were the light in so many people’s eyes. I remember all the times I took you with me to various places and you were just happy to be along for the ride. I remember school vacations that you came to stay with me. I remember all these things and I am helpless.
Life has turned very, very dark for you. Where once we all were close, I can feel you slipping away from us, and all we can do is watch. You have made some choices in life that have torn you away from those who love you most. We each struggle in our own way with knowing we cannot save you from yourself. We tell each other, “If only I had known sooner, I could have fixed it; I could have fixed her,” and, “I know I could have found a way to stop her if I had only known.” But then we have to tell each other, “No, you couldn’t, she has to do it. She knows what to do. She has to really want it. She has to hit her rock bottom, whatever that may be, and God help us all, it may be death, and we have to face and accept that.”
We tell each other these things, and still, we are helpless.
Geography does not fix the problem, it just moves the problem to a new location. You may be OK at first, but when you hit your first wall, it could all go downhill very fast. If you want that fix in the new location — you will find it. You already know the type of person to look for, and the type of location to look in. Barring that, you will settle for what you can find, even if you know it could kill you. I know these things because I was married to an addict. I’ve gone to the meetings and I’ve heard them speak, still I am helpless.
I am helpless to help you and it is what I want to do most in this world.
Kelley A. Wilson
Vineyard Haven