Our new section: The Personals

The new go-to section for love, companionship and whatever else you might be looking for (except free parakeets. Those are in the Bargain Box).

Romance is in the air - Stock photo

With this week’s newspaper, The MV Times launches our personal classified ads. We look forward to connecting Islanders in love, friendship and whatever else will keep you toasty and entertained until summer.

Single and dating again

Trying to avoid all those I already went through; respond only if you moved to Vineyard after 2010.

Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box123

Single with year-round housing

Need I say more?

Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box124

Off the Grid

I’ve been off the grid since before it was cool, and am seeking a partner with more depth than a griddy-come-lately to share a life lighted by candles and warmed by wood. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box125

Shorts in Winter

Single female seeks one of you sexy strong guys who romps around in shorts all winter. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box126

Meditate with me

Seeking silence in friendship and more. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box127

Bargain Box Babe

Seeks a tiger in Thrift Shop threads for second hand situations of all sorts. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box128


I recycled my husband and am now looking for a sustainable relationship. Please inquire only if you’re interested in organically growing together. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box129

Beach key

Seeking sexy summer lover with access to private beaches. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box130

Seasonal delight

Looking for local love until the summer people arrive. Then, chances are, I can find better. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box131

Looking for romance

Or companionship. Or someone to have dinner with once a week. Or to take a walk with. Actually, what I’m really looking for is someone with an off-Island car. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box132

Washashore seeks washashore

I’m tired of feeling “lesser-than” simply because I wasn’t born here. I am looking for a fellow washashore to share our johnny-come-lately love of the Vineyard. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box133

Profile number

What’s your Steamship Authority profile number? I’m looking for that someone special with an SSA profile number that is compatible with mine. Let’s renew together. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box134


So I hear there once was a man from Nantucket. Please send him to the Vineyard. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box135

I (Heart) Compost

I’m searching for a man I met at Cedar Tree Neck in December. I can’t stop thinking about our conversation about composting. Please contact me if you’ve been feeling it too. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box136

Bernie wants Hillary

I’d like to be the Bernie to your Hillary. Progressive man seeks strong woman with leadership skills. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box137
Thrice divorced Female

Looking for future ex. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box138

Must love cats

A LOT! Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box139

SF looking for SM as ‘quirky’ as me

Let’s have our shrinks confer first. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box140

SF seeking SM. Must provide recent photo

Mug shots OK. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box141

Do you like pina coladas?

Too bad — I’m in AA. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box142.

If you don’t require much nookie

Or morning convo, I’m your gal. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box143

Looking for someone to grow old with

Fax me your insurance policies, dental records and advance directives. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box144

Discriminating retired teacher

Looking for female intellectual companionship.

If you can read this ad, you’re in. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box146

Frugal gourmet

Looking to share candlelight dinners at fine Vineyard restaurants with attractive woman who is willing to pick up the tab. Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box147

Hirsute man

Seeks open-minded female for tick-checking and back hair grooming.

No crazies! Reply to Personals@mvtimes.com/box148

April Fools

These ads are all a gag. We’re afraid if you’re looking for love or friendship you’ll have to look elsewhere. However, the entire staff at The MV Times wishes you luck in your endeavors and a happy April Fool’s day.

Classified ads by Kate Feiffer, Geoff Currier, Holly Nadler, and Gwyn McAllister. With appreciation and apologies to David Rose.