Welcome to Martha’s Vineyard, Michelle and Barack

Now here are a few tips that might come in handy.

Welcome to the Vineyard Michelle and Barack, so great to have you here as residents, albeit seasonal, but then — you never know. And now that you’ll be here on more of an ongoing basis, we’d like to share with you a few tips that might make your transition to Island life run a little smoother. 

 

  • You’re probably going to want to learn how to scallop. You just spent $11.75 million on a house, so until you work out another book deal, scalloping is a proven way for Islanders to supplement their income.
  • You also might want to get the Cronig’s discount. Food is notoriously expensive on the Island, so if you qualify, you could get 20 percent savings at Cronig’s supermarkets. They’re a little picky about who’s eligible, though — do you have a trust fund? Or any outside sources of income?
  • The Steamship Authority’s Preferred Excursion program can come in handy if you ever get the urge to go over to Falmouth and get a Big Mac.
  • You’re also going to want to get an “Island car.” Keep the new Lexus in the garage; you’re going to want to get a beater, maybe an old Ford wagon with a dented fender from where it hit a turkey, a lot of legroom, and plenty of room in the back seat for the kids to horse around.
  • If you’re going to be scalloping, you should also think about getting a pickup truck. Throw the scallop rakes and baskets in the back … and you can also use it to make dump runs on the weekend. 
  • A word about driving on the Island. You don’t have a motorcade anymore, so just remember these two things: The roundabout goes counterclockwise, and don’t even think about driving through Five Corners if it’s raining. 
  • Also a word about the winter — it’s a little on the slow side. If you’ve only been here in August, you might be surprised to find that many of your favorite watering holes are closed. It’s like they don’t even turn the lights on in Edgartown after the first of the year.
  • You’ll want to join the P.A. Club. That’s about as social as it gets in the off-season, and they have great kale soup. 
  • And definitely join a bowling league. We know you had alleys in the White House, there’s even a giant picture of you bowling at The Barn! You might even want to have your own team: the Barack Obowlers?
  • Last, don’t be surprised if no one talks to you in the off-season. We like to do all our conversing on Islanders Talk.

3 COMMENTS

  1. I’ve been on the fence about whether or not to pay for a subscription. This article clinches it. I’ll be keeping my $40
    If I want this sort of attempted humor,I’ll stick with Mad Magazine

    • fielding– if you want some real good humor, take a look at the third post on mvc adapts , and open the link. –I’m getting the subscription so Barack and Michelle can read my comments here.

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