This week we will honor our dad’s 98th birthday with a meal of his favorite birthday foods: lobster, steamers dipped in broth and then butter, oysters on the half shell, fresh tomatoes from his garden, blueberries picked that morning, angel food cake with pink buttercream frosting, decorated with edible flowers and wooden bird candleholders. He hoped to make it to 100.
There is no timeline for grief, and at times it hits me hard, but the love I had for them and they for me softens the edges, leaving me comforted and grateful.
My birthday is the week before my father’s, and the family tradition was to wait and have one celebration.
I am not a fan of being the center of attention. By nature, I am a midwife to the curious heart that lies within. My friend Heather Goff and her husband Bill O’Callaghan invited me to a lovely make-your-own-pizza in their gorgeously-adorned-with-their-art woodburning oven — envy at the sight of it used to crawl up, but Bill taught me, “If you can imagine it, you can build it.” Their Island Folk Pottery story trail is a testament. After helping bring things out and visiting for a bit, the lovely sounds of conversations swelled, and I asked if I could duck out and come back to help with the cleanup. It was a perfect evening. I left to quietly tend my garden and watch to the last light the unfolding of a glorious sunset, before returning to the soft conversations of lingering family and friends taking turns finishing the cleanup and sitting around a table under the stars while the fire died down. Heaven.
It is shocking to notice people you think you know, only to realize a moment later that they are decades too young. It is lovely to grow old in a familiar place where you can pick black raspberries from a patch, and remember when you had to reach up to pick them, the excitement of running into the kitchen, opening your hand to a dark and sweet mash, and your grandmother saying wisely, “Oh, Clairie, how wonderful! Lick up every drop, and then we’ll get the berry pails from the pantry.” Somewhere we still have them. They were made of recycled cans. I made one out of plastic, and went to check out the same patch with my now 26-year-old son. Only a handful were ripe. But this week they should be perfect, unless the birds get there first.
I am out early in the morning, and see a lot of bikers and joggers and walkers and dogs. I know the rule is for pedestrians to travel facing traffic, but I find it terrifying to drive around bends and suddenly see a person in my lane, heading toward me. It is a curve, and often there are cars coming the other direction so swerving into the other lane isn’t an option. Even at 25 mph, it means I have to come to a full stop to let the runner pass. I love trails, and don’t understand running on pavement. It seems to me that jogging in the grass instead of on the road, on curves, is safer for everyone. When I hear folks complaining about people driving too slowly, I wonder if they are trying to navigate the same roads.
The calendar is filling up with things I’d like to do and people I’d like to see. Linda Fischer’s advice sticks in my memory: Say yes when someone offers to help, remember “no” is a complete sentence, and ideas don’t have to be invitations for comment.
It is a delight to see so many friends and neighbors stopping by the Chilmark Church for lobster rolls on Tuesdays, 4:30 to 6:30 pm. I love teamwork and community. This Sunday, July 30, at 9 am is New Member Sunday. We will welcome five new members. Andy Carr will be joining after completing a Confirmation class with the Rev. Charlotte, where they discussed God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, discipleship, the Chilmark Church, and how to live out our faith on the Island and in the world. Mary and David Lundgren, Shirley Kennedy and Marie Wise will be joining by professing their faith to the congregation. We will have a reception following the service to welcome them officially to the Chilmark Church family. All are welcome.
Join Miriam Tamar Wertlieb and her husband GNL Zamba for a screening of their film, “Infinity,” on Friday, July 28, at 5 pm at the Mariposa Museum and World Culture Centre, 57 Circuit Ave., Oak Bluffs. “Infinity” tells the story of a young boy who must unlearn his selfish ways, and come to understand the interconnectedness of the universe and the importance of community. Through the guidance of a shaman and his pure-hearted little sister, we observe how ancient wisdom can guide a lost soul to deliverance. “Infinity” reminds us that the universe works in mysterious ways to reveal what is most important. I look forward to meeting them, along with other talented artists in an exhibition called the “Kopanang Universe Canticle,” tapestries by the women of Kopanang.
My dad loved books, and we will celebrate him by going to the 63rd annual West Tisbury Library Book Sale, Thursday, July 27, through Monday, July 31, 9 am to 3 pm; Sunday, half-price; Monday, free, in the tent at the West Tisbury School.
Chilmark Fire Department’s Backyard Bash will take place at the Chilmark Community Center, 520 South Road, on Wednesday, August 2, from 5 to 8 pm. The Chilmark volunteer firefighters association hosts this annual fundraising event to primarily raise money for the firefighters benevolent fund, which helps injured or sick firefighters; secondary functions include a high school scholarship fund, and support of their annual children’s Halloween and Christmas parties. There will be live music by Mrs. Biskis; Chilmark T shirts, sweatshirts, and the rest of the FD gear, and food will be available for purchase. There will be a raffle, silent auction, and other special activities. They have added face painting this year! Bring your own chair or blanket to sit on, and enjoy the music. No parking at the library until it closes, at 6 pm.
Nancy Aronie’s writing and workshops always free me from the eddies life creates, leaving me free to swim toward the next adventure. The next Chilmark Writing Workshop, Writing from the Heart, is on August 14 to 17, 9 am to noon, $599 to register. Email nancyjill73@gmail.com or call 508-274-4286. There’s a $100 nonrefundable deposit. Venmo Nancy-Aronie, or send to 1 West Meadow, Chilmark MA., 02535.
Smiles, patience, and a sense of humor are remarkable this time of year. Enjoy.
If you have any Chilmark Town Column suggestions, email Claire Ganz, cganz@live.com.