Please don’t put me out on the ice floe to die just because I don’t know how to code.
Growing old doesn’t mean growing stupid. Having issues using exotic programs on the internet doesn’t mean you’re a dummy. People over a certain age were never taught all the ins and outs of cyber land, but they still know how to think.
Yet television commercials like Dr. Rick of Progressive Insurance will warn you about “parentamorphasis” or “not to be like your parents,” or have Tina Fey at Allstate putting down mother-in-laws, or worse yet: “I’m not an old lady,” as if there were something wrong with being an old lady.
Well, I am an old lady, and smart as a whip. Yes, I am the parent who worked three jobs to put you through college so that you could become an investment banker. I’m the sweet little old lady who can cook without a microwave, and knows how to make her own bread. I also know my Shakespeare, Schiller, and Goethe. I know my Latin, which is why I can figure out unknown words from their roots; I know how to drive a stick shift, and I don’t need spell-check. I can even remember telephone numbers when I need to dial them. OK, I don’t know how to code, but is that a reason to put me out to pasture?
How dare advertisers create pieces which put down old people who have spent their lives trying to make it easier for what they have spawned?
There was a Medicare ad which featured Martha, a cranky actress wearing stage makeup to make her look old. All it did was reinforce the stereotype that mature women are impossible to deal with. Nobody is sweeter than I am.
Do you remember the E*Trade ad? It showed how older people who didn’t invest (as if we all had the wherewithal to invest) ended up with lousy jobs because they didn’t save up for retirement. Could it be that they couldn’t save up because they were supporting a family, and the government’s Social Security check didn’t pay for lunch in a fancy restaurant?
Making fun of old people who are poor ain’t funny.
How about the Tide commercial with the old guy running around in his underwear because of memory loss?
Advertisers beware: Based on data in the Federal Reserve’s “Survey of Consumer Finances,” old folks control 70 percent of all personal wealth in the U.S.
According to AARP, surveys from the Bureau of Labor Statistics show that older adults buy 56 percent of all new cars and trucks, 55 percent of personal-care products, 65 percent of healthcare, 68 percent of home maintenance and repairs, and 76 percent of all prescription drugs.
Chip Conley, founder of the Modern Elder Academy, says that “Most advertisers receive a failing grade in their efforts to understand and relate to older adults.”
Maybe that is why my kids don’t listen to a word I say about anything — health remedies, politics, social injustices, history. None of it is true unless it is on a podcast, the new encyclopedia of confusion. No matter how many times I tell them that their history book is wrong, they believe the printed word. If they don’t like it, they call it “fake news.” I’m not saying that the printed word is wrong. I’m saying that it was written by someone with baggage, and sometimes some issues were omitted, or downplayed. I know, because I was there.
True, I must admit that I didn’t listen to my mother: “He isn’t good enough for you,” “Get a degree in teaching; you can get a pension and your summers off,” “Learn how to type, you can always work.” Sad truth is, she was right. It took me 50 years to figure that out. Why can’t kids get it right away?
OK, I walk with a cane; does that mean my mind is handicapped too? Check out Sandra, formerly of Tilton Rentals, and see if she isn’t still sharp as a tack. If Olive Tomlinson isn’t the wisest woman on the island, I don’t know who is. Do you really want to negotiate with Terry at Dockside? You wanna talk Dorothy Burnham? At 109, she is still the brightest bulb in the Campgrounds.
I don’t want to compete with people half my age; I want to cooperate with them. I want them to listen to me, and not turn their heads when a pretty waitress walks by.
I’m not an old stogie. I like rap music. Chance the Rapper and Kendrick Lamar have lyrics equal to Cole Porter. It’s true, “Squid Game” is not exactly up my alley, but neither is “Ghosts,” and millions of people are watching that right now. And I’m sick of hearing about “Twin Peaks.”
I am valuable. You need me. I can see the big picture because I have been to the rodeo before.
Don’t waste me, don’t retire me yet; I still have plenty of game left.
