Hold Your Tongue 

To the Editor:

I recently read a (no longer) friend’s Facebook post, a meme which said roughly: “Last year immigrants sent X amount of money to their home countries while their children received free education, school lunch and free health care..” 

My blood has been boiling for three days since reading it, but really much longer. This narrative has been afoot for it seems eons, sprouting anew in this day and age of ICE raids, marches and jaw dropping, heart wrenching media reels. So, I decided I can hold my tongue no longer. This is how I choose to serve, by offering some advice. It is here in two languages, because one rarely seems sufficient. 

Please, for the love of all that is good and holy and just, hold your tongue. If you have never been truly hungry, hold your tongue. 

If you have never traveled and lived outside of your country of birth, hold your tongue. 

If you have never learned another language, hold your tongue. 

If you have never faced fear in the eye and moved into it, hold your tongue. 

If you’ve never worked a field so you and your family could eat, until the metal of your hoe wore down to nothing, hold your tongue. 

If you’ve never left your country of birth without a penny in your pocket, to live in a foreign land, speaking zero of that country’s language, in search of opportunity, hold your tongue. 

If you’ve never been sick or loved someone that was and needed care but had no means of affording it, hold your tongue. 

If you’ve never been at the mercy of another for assistance, hold your tongue. 

If you’ve never left your country of origin to live in a foreign land, worked your way up from “the bottom”…from zero language to fluency, to own and run your own business, to pay more taxes in a year than the average American earns in a year, hold your tongue. 

If you’ve never left your family behind in search of a dream and opportunity without seeing them for 20+ years, hold your tongue. 

If you’ve never been unsure how you might secure your next meal, hold your tongue. 

If you don’t have first or second generation immigrant family or friends with whom you’ve shared meals, laughs, terror, joys and tears, hold your tongue.

If you don’t know the ins and outs of the U.S. immigration process or laws, loved someone through the process or gone through it on your own, hold your tongue. 

If you have not personally immigrated to the United States, hold your tongue. 

If you have not personally faced the fear of deportation or been deported, hold your tongue. 

If you have not been forcibly separated from your children or faced the possibility of such due to immigration status, hold your tongue. 

If you’ve never had to spend tens of thousands of dollars on legal fees, countless hours, and sleepless nights (after paying taxes for 20+ years) to fight for “legal status” only to be denied or to still be in limbo, hold your tongue. 

If you are not of the First nation peoples, hold your tongue. 

We are ALL immigrants on this stolen land. So, hold your tongue. Unless, what is going to come from your mouth are these words: How can I help? How can I serve? How can I assist you in reaching your goals and actualizing your dreams? 

If that seems too daunting, recite this: Hawaiian H’oponopono prayer: 

“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.” 

One way or another, you will learn, you will grow. You will change. 

When the someone you deduce mindlessly down to the box of “immigrant” and nothing more, is the doctor performing your life saving surgery, or the lawyer saving your hide, you will know. You will realize titles are limiting and useless. Stories and experience hold the power. Expand your circle. 

Know that words hurt. Labeling people is damaging. It is isolating. It breeds separation, fear and hate. 

Back to the basics: If what you have to say is not kind, if it is limiting, if it could be hurtful, say nothing. Hold your tongue. 

If what you have to say does not improve silence, say nothing. 

Do better. Be better. 

Expand your experience. Travel. Learn language. Get to know people’s personal stories. Be kind. Ask questions. Move into fear. Grow. Be courageous enough to leave old narratives behind. 

Please, in the love of all that is good and holy and just, until the time that your mind has expanded, your perspective has broadened and your heart has opened, hold your tongue. 

P.S. Before you start to talk back about freedom of speech, etc. I’m not talking here about your legal right to say something. I’m suggesting you pause and consider the moral implications of your chosen words.

Vanessa S. Martins

Edgartown