Depending on their age, most kids know something about death. They’ve seen it on a TV show, or perhaps they’ve lost a family pet. But when they lose a parent, grandparent, or friend, it hits differently.
An article from the Child Mind Institute reports that kids often respond differently to death than adults. “They may go from crying to playing. That’s normal. Playing is a way of coping with their feelings. It’s also normal for kids to get angry, to feel sad, get anxious, and also to act younger than they are. For example, potty-trained kids may have accidents, or kids might slip into baby talk.” The article also points out that it’s important to help children express their feelings, and remind them that those feelings are normal.
In 2024, Hospice and Palliative Care of Martha’s Vineyard (HPCMV) held their first grief camp to help kids and their families not only share their feelings about loss in a safe and confidential space, but to have some fun as well. This year’s free camp will take place on Sunday, October 19, from 9 am to 5 pm, at Slough Farm.
“Camp by the Sea is a grief camp for Island families — for kids who are grieving a loss,” says licensed independent clinical social worker Amanda Zoref. The camp combines grief support and education with fun activities such as face painting, arts and crafts, yoga, visiting farm animals, music, and more.
“I’ve been at Hospice for four years, but even before I got here, there was development happening around grief counseling for children. Our director, Cathy Wozniak, was very supportive, and made it a priority,” Zoref continues. Wozniak, executive director of HPCMV, applied for and received the Slough Farm Foundation grant and a grant from the Martha’s Vineyard Community Foundation to cover training for Zoref and licensed clinical social worker Jill Demeny. “We went to the National Alliance for Children’s Grief conference, visited a camp, and met with counselors. Our first camp at Slough Farm went really well. They have been an amazing partner. We had eight families.”
Zoref notes that when people first come to the camp, there is a little anxiety. “Nobody wants to go to a grief camp. But we’re here to validate that it’s OK to not want to be here. It’s OK to be grieving, and also to have fun, in a safe place to talk about loss and not feel so alone. It can feel isolating for children. They may not realize that the friend on their soccer team is also grieving. Our hope is that they develop friendships.”
There are separate and combined activities for kids and adults. “The parents and guardians are there for the day to support the kids,” Zoref says. Some of the activities for kids include yoga with Island yoga teacher Jason Mazar-Kelly (Yogi Jay). The adults do yoga as well, with a different instructor, and relax with a sound bath led by Anna Marden, HPCMV’s development and communications associate.
Spiritual advisor Rabbi Lori Shaller leads a circle game with the kids. “She’ll say step inside if you like ice cream, and everyone who likes ice cream steps in. Step inside if your mother died, if your sibling died …” Zoref explains. “The kids can see others who are experiencing something similar — maybe someone on their soccer team lost their mom too.”
Though grief is personal, and the pain that accompanies loss doesn’t vanish, Camp by the Sea provides a day of respite, fun, connection, socialization, and support for those who need it. It helps kids realize they aren’t alone. One memory from last year’s camp sticks out for Zoref: “We were done with this intense circle, and the kids stood up and shook it off. There was an open field in front of us and the kids just started running, and all these geese and birds flew up and the kids started chasing them. It was so much fun. One little girl said, ‘Best day ever!’ and this is why we’re doing this.”
To learn more and to register for Camp by the Sea, visit hospiceofmv.org. Call Amanda Zoref at 508-693-0189 with questions.
Such a beautiful thing!