Last week, Kay Mayhew, the Tisbury town columnist since 1987, broke the news to her readers that her time with the column is ending. “Too many birthdays and now lung cancer have now cut my time short,” she wrote in a sign-off letter to the town.
Her readers love her signature opening and kicker — “Heard on Main Street.” Over the next few weeks, while we await a new columnist to carry the torch, we’re reviewing some of our favorites from over the years. To welcome the first week of April, here are Mayhew’s signature “Heard on Main Street” quips from this very week, over the past decade.
Heard on Main Street: Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live. –April 1, 2025
Heard on Main Street: It is a fact that the second mouse gets the cheese. –April 1, 2025
Heard on Main Street: The pursuit of happiness is the goal of a lifetime! It is never too late to become what you might have been. –April 3, 2024
Heard on Main Street: Friends are like balloons; once you let them go, you might not get them back. Sometimes we get so busy with our own lives and problems that we may not even notice that we’ve let them fly away. –April 3, 2024
Heard on Main Street: Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back. –April 5, 2023
Heard on Main Street: A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. –April 5, 2023
Heard on Main Street: Have you noticed? Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it. –April 5, 2022
Heard on Main Street: The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread. –April 5, 2022
Heard on Main Street: It’s a lot easier to get older than it is to get wiser. –April 7, 2021
Heard on Main Street: When it is dark enough, you can see the stars. –April 1, 2020
Heard on Main Street: Try to find pleasure in the trip as we ride this wave together. –April 1, 2020
Heard on Main Street: Friends are like seashells we collect along the way. Any day is a good day to collect seashells and friends. –April 3, 2019
Heard on Main Street: Old age is when your classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald that they don’t recognize you. –April 3, 2019
Heard on Main Street: Spring, glorious spring, has finally come. Except it is still pretty cold. –April 4, 2018
Heard on Main Street: It’s time for spring cleaning. Be sure to keep anything useful, beautiful, or joyful. –April 5, 2017
Heard on Main Street: Ski the Vineyard! –April 5, 2016
Heard on Main Street: Is it still snowing? –April 1, 2015
Heard on Main Street: We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box. –April 2, 2014
Heard on Main Street: It must be spring. Never mind the pinkletinks, the snowbirds have returned. –April 3, 2013
If you know anyone who might be interested in becoming the new Tisbury town columnist, please reach out to Nicole Galland directly, at nicolegalland@mvtimes.com. Excerpts compiled by Ella Munnelly